Expert: Carl Fuglein - 2/7/2009

Question
I am 17 years old now, and I have really been sheltered from the outside
world more than most of my classmates. No television except for rare times
we watched the news, no internet use until I turned 15 and needed it for
school use. I didn't really have alot of knowledge about sex until high school
where it was talked about with my friends. But my dad wanted me to
understand my body sexually and teach me about masturbation. This
happened when I was 12. He took me into his bedroom, exposed himself to
me and showed me how a boy masturbates. He then took my hand, wrapped
it around his penis, and had me masturbate him until white stuff came out.  I
practiced on my dad maybe 5-10 times overall.  He also masturbated me
about 5 times that year. The first time I climaxed he told me I was ready to do
this one my own time.
    I wonder now if maybe my dad could have taught me in other ways that
were not so personal. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my dad molested me,
that he was looking out for me, but being a 12 year old girl, there may have
been better ways without having negative feelings about what happened now.

Answer
Stacy-

Your dad was not looking out for your best interest, he was molesting you.  Parents are NOT supposed to show their children about sex, they are supposed to TALK to them about it.  Perhaps he thought he was doing right, but by society standards, he is a pedophile and guilty of incest.

You didn't really ask me any questions, so I don't quite know what you're looking for, but if you are at all conflicted about what happened, then you must inform someone so it doesn't ruin your entire idea of what sex is about.  Does your mother know about this?  If anyone should have been telling you about this, it should have been your mother.  I would start by telling her, but be prepared for her to take your father's side.  Next, talk to a counselor at school, your youth minister if you have one, or a trusted teacher.  If you DO tell, be prepared for them to involve the police.  By law, they must inform the authorities about suspected child abuse, and this was definitely child abuse.  If you don't want to inform the authorities (a very tough decision), wait until you are out of the house and an adult, and get some therapy.

In the meantime, for some free therapy and someone to talk to, call the hope line 1-800-394-HOPE  See http://www.thehopeline.com/  These are trained counselors that can help you a whole lot more than I can.

Hope this helps,

Carl