Expert: Susan Milillo - 2/16/2009

Question
I have had a on and off relationship with the same boy for about a year. This fall i went off to a college that was out of state, he stayed and went to the local university as did many of my good friends. I transferred back to the local university this semester and when I returned I learned that my best friend not only hooked up with him while i was away last semester, but also while I was asleep in the next room at a New Years party. I have forgiven her but I don't know if I should ever be friends with her again. Please help!

Answer
Dear Catherine,

   When your friend got together with the guy, was that during a time when you and he were 'off again'? You know what I mean.... Is it possible that she thought things were over between the two of you?
It definitely sounds like someone wasn't telling the whole truth to the people that needed to hear it though.  And I am so sorry for you, that you were caught in the middle of this.
   I know that all strong relationships absolutely HAVE to be based on trust!    If your friend deceived you, or betrayed you knowingly, while it is good and right that you FORGIVE, I think it will take some significant time, and her showing herself to be a true friend to you, for you to be able to close friends again.   Remember, you can be kind, without being 'buddy-buddy' with someone.   And if she wronged you knowingly,  while you can forgive her, it's not even possible to reestablish the same connection unless she admits her wrong to you and at least has the sincere desire not to treat you in that way again.
    I think this must be very painful for you.  I mean.... best friend.
That's pretty heavy stuff. And boyfriend. I mean, you must be really hurting right now.   Please do yourself a favor and be sure you take it to the One who made you and loves and understands and knows you the most!  I love this verse:  "Trust in Him at all times, oh people. Pour out your hearts before Him, for He is a refuge for us." (Psalm 62:8)

             Feel free to write back!

Love in Jesus,
SM