Expert: Susan Milillo - 2/3/2009

Question
I AM A MALE 26 YEARS OLD I LIVE WITH MY UNMARRIED BEAUTIFUL SISTER (40)YEARS OLD AND MY OLD MUM I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS AND FANTASY ABOUT FUCKING MY SISTER SINCE I WAS 15, 16 YEARS OLD I HAVE DONE MANY BAD ACTS EXAMPLES ARE WATCHING HER NAKED IN THE SHOWER WHILE I AM MASTURBATING, MASTURBATING (EJACULATING) ON HER ARSE WHILE SHE IS SLEEPING, WATCHING PORN AND  MASTURBATING WHILE SHE IS IN THE SAME BEDROOM WITHOUT HER NOTICING AND SO ON... BUT IT IS ALL FROM MY SIDE. I JUST CAN NOT FIGHT IT EVERYTIME I SEE HER FIRM BREASTS, ARSE I GET REALLY AROUSED. WHAT SHALL I DO?

Answer
Dear IHAB,

    Well, a few thoughts here. I confess I am not the most experienced in this sort of 'counseling' - honestly, I'm not a counselor at all in the proper sense of the word.   But, I am almost positive, from all the wisdom I've heard from other Christians, that the first and most important thing you need to do right now, (and I've cried out to God for wisdom, with your question) is to literally and physically move yourself out of the situation you presently find yourself in.  You said it yourself, 'I just cannot fight it everytime....'  You are doing well to admit your weakness.  Now do something so you are not put in such a place of temptation -- where you will have no chance of even accidentally seeing her naked breasts, etc.  In other words, you have got to move out of that living situation.     Also, you know, and have confessed to God, that what you are doing, and the lust that you are treasuring in your heart towards her, is sin?  I am not judging you. I have many sins of my own that I must surrender to God.   But this life of purity is not something you can achieve in your own strength. You need the power of God living inside of you.    Everyone, even with the power of God, needs to shield themselves from unbearable temptation.  If you've sinned over and over in a certain area, you need to follow this verse, "Make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill it's lusts." (Romans 13:14)
In other words, don't even make it easy for your sin nature to tempt you. It's not a sin to BE tempted, but it is a sin to keep ourselves in a situation we cannot stay pure IN.     Am I explaining this clearly?  
Another great verse is in I Corinthians 10:11-13. It says, "No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man. But God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also provide a way of escape, that you may bear up under it."    Got to LOOK for that 'way of ESCAPE'. And this is not weakness. This is strength, because you are 'man enough' to admit that it's too much for you!  Moving out might seem radical and really hard, since this is your family, but God will honor you for doing whatever you can do to distance yourself from the constant temptation, and you will become a stronger man of God.
First make sure He is dwelling within you - Make sure you have made that step of saying, "Yes, God I confess that I'm a sinner and need Jesus sacrifice on the cross to forgive my sins" - so you know that you have His power and His resources to dwell one.
So, to sum it up:
1. Make sure you've got God in your heart and your life
2. Move out (or something equally drastic)
3. Find a Christian guy or two (or more) - who you can be encouraged by in your pursuit of purity.  Perhaps go to a professional counselor who will steer you in a biblical direction, so you can think through your thought processes from a godly viewpoint.  (Come to think of it, I think this would actually be really great)
So, I will be honest with you I have written this response with some degree of 'fear and trembling', as the question you asked is not easy to address.  But it is so vital that you address it, BRAVO for writing to ask for help and advice!!  Well, the things I have said will, I believe give you a good start.  "The Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth comes understanding" (Proverbs verse). "Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the wise, and weak the strength of the mighty? For the weakness of God is stronger than mans' strength, and the foolishness of God is wiser than mans' wisdom." - Corinthians verse
Okay  ?    So, I will certainly pray for you, IHAB.  Feel free to write back if you wish to clarify anything.
Love in Jesus,
SM