Expert: Brenda Martin - 3/16/2009

Question
Hi, I'm Marie(not real name), I'm 17,already a college nursing student and worse, I am a girl. I have known masturbation since I was in 2nd grade (no one taught me) and pornography, 5th Grade and that was out of curiosity. I am very scared. I am raised in a christian family, know the bible very well, I am even a bible wizard at our school. I dunno, but I can't help it like someone is forcing me to do it. I am not sexually harassed. I am still a virgin. I have not been in any kind of relationship before. I don't want to pray anymore because I'm afraid that God's angry with me right now, since every time I repent, I will return to my old routine. No one knows yet in my family even my friends. This is the first time I talked about this matter to someone.I know it's wrong but i CAN'T stop, I already prayed for it but nothings happening. I really need help and prayer. I am so tired of what I am doing. I think God hates me so much now. I am feeling shame & guilt. Everyone knows me as the good, innocent, child-like girl that will never know this stuff but they did not know that I am already doing it. How can I stop it? How can I talk to God again? Will He stop loving me? Is there any hope for me? I am really tired and I am so weak, I keep on falling. I don't want to be evil but the urge to do it is so strong.It's like a black hole that keeps on pulling me.  I know that the spirit should be stronger than the flesh. How could I do it? I am afraid please help me. I am so desperate of stopping this addiction for good. I don't want it anymore. I am so weak and very tired. Please help me. How will I return to God? Because I really want to be free completely and be a REAL Christian. Help!

Answer
I enclose a bible based article that deals with that subject--

"Young People Ask . . .
How Can I Conquer This Habit?

“I began masturbating when I was eight years old. Later I learned God’s view of the matter. I felt terrible every time I gave in. ‘How could God love someone like me?’ I asked myself. I felt sure that I would not make it into God’s new world.”—Luiz.

PERHAPS you, like Luiz, have been enslaved to the habit of masturbation. You know that God would be pleased with you if you resisted the urge and exercised self-control, a fruit of God’s holy spirit. (Galatians 5:22, 23; 2 Peter 1:5, 6) But at times you give in. After each relapse, you conclude that you are a lost cause, that you are incapable of living up to God’s righteous standards.

That is precisely how young Pedro viewed himself. “When I relapsed, I felt terrible,” he says. “I thought that I could never atone for what I had done. I found it hard to pray. I would start by saying: ‘God, I don’t know whether you are going to hear this prayer, but . . .’” A young man named André had similar thoughts. “I felt like such a hypocrite,” he says. “It was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. I found it difficult to sit through Christian meetings or to participate in the ministry.”

If your feelings are similar to those of Luiz, Pedro, or André, take courage. You’re not alone, and your case is not hopeless! Many young people—and older ones—have struggled with masturbation and have been able to overcome it. You can too.

Dealing With Guilt

As already noted, those who have fallen into the habit of masturbation are often plagued with guilt. Without a doubt, being “saddened in a godly way” can give you the incentive to overcome the habit. (2 Corinthians 7:11) But excessive guilt can be counterproductive. It can make you feel so discouraged that you just want to give up the fight.—Proverbs 24:10.

Strive, then, to put the matter in perspective. Masturbation is a form of uncleanness. It can make you a ‘slave to various desires and pleasures,’ and it fosters attitudes that can be mentally corrupting. (Titus 3:3) At the same time, self-masturbation is not a form of gross sexual immorality, such as fornication. (Ephesians 4:19) Hence, if you have a problem with masturbation, you need not conclude that you have committed the unforgivable sin. The key is to resist the urge and never to give up your fight!

Sometimes it is easy to become downhearted after a relapse. When that occurs, take to heart the words of Proverbs 24:16: “The righteous one may fall even seven times, and he will certainly get up; but the wicked ones will be made to stumble by calamity.” A temporary setback does not make you a wicked person. So do not give up. Instead, analyze what led to the relapse, and try to avoid repeating the same pattern.

Instead of continually berating yourself for your problem, take time to meditate on God’s love and mercy. The psalmist David, who was no stranger to weakness, stated: “As a father shows mercy to his sons, God has shown mercy to those fearing him. For he himself well knows the formation of us, remembering that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:13, 14) Yes,God takes into consideration our imperfection and is “ready to forgive” when we err. (Psalm 86:5) On the other hand, he wants us to put forth effort to improve.What practical steps can you take to conquer your habit and to avoid a relapse?

The Value of Confiding

Despite the publicity given to sex in a number of lands, many people still find it difficult to talk about sex in a serious, dignified way. In your case shame might make it difficult for you to bring up the subject even to a confidant. One Christian who struggled with masturbation for several years commented: “How I wish I could have summoned the courage to talk to someone about it when I was a youth! Feelings of guilt plagued me for many years, and it seriously affected my relationships with others and, above all, with Jehovah.”

Whom should you talk to? The best person would be someone who is spiritually mature, preferably a parent. You could start by saying: “May I talk to you about a problem that is bothering me a lot?”

Mário decided to talk to his father, who proved to be very sympathetic and understanding. He even admitted to Mário that he himself had battled with the habit when he was younger. “My father’s honesty and sincerity encouraged me greatly,” Mário says. “I reasoned that if he had been victorious, I could be too. I was so moved by my father’s attitude that I broke down and cried.”

André gathered the courage to talk to a Christian elder, and he is glad that he did. “As the elder listened to me, his eyes filled with tears,” says André. “When I finished, he assured me of God’s love for me. He told me that my problem is a common one. He promised to check on my progress and to bring me more information from Bible-study aids. Talking with him, I resolved to keep up the fight—even if further relapses occurred.”

Like Mário and André, you can find help in your efforts to conquer the habit of masturbation. Follow the advice in the accompanying box, “Take the Offensive!” Yes, be assured that you can win the battle!

More articles from the “Young People Ask . . .” series can be found at the Web site www.watchtower.org/ype

all the best
Brenda