Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 3/19/2009

Question
I grew up a Christian and my life goal is to seek God out as best possible and live for him. When I hit college, I starting having sex with my boyfriend even though I tried very hard not to. It's been 3 years and I'm desperate to find a way to stop. I even went as far as breaking up but that didn't help! God is becoming so distant from me and I fear losing my relationship with Him forever if I don't obey His will. If you have any advice on how to stop this, please tell me.

Answer
Hi Amber,

Thank you for this honest and open question.  I am very sorry about my late respose.  I am sorry that you have chosen to have sex before marriage.  I am glad that you want to stop.  Here are some things to consider.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2


Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

1.  There are two ways to avoid the sin of fornication (sex outside of marriage).  You can stop touching or you can get married.  If you are both born again and your parents approve, what is stopping you from getting married?  If that is not an option, then you must stop touching all together.

2.  Do not start something you do not want to finish.  Couples make out alone then wonder why they become so heated, they cannot stop from having sex.  The solution is not to touch... do not start something that cannot be finished.

3.  Put some boundaries in place.  Make it hard to fall into sin.

Romans 13:14
14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

NEVER be alone with your boyfriend.  Never start kissing hugging etc.  If you set up strict boundaries like this, it will help you.

4.  Start a purity accountability with a woman from church that you can trust.  Have her ask you about your purity every week.  If you feel tempted, call her and pray with her.

Hebrews 10:24
24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

James 5:16
16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don