Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 4/13/2009

Question
I have a 20 year old son who lives on his own and has his girlfriend spend the night almost every night.  They talk about getting married someday.  They both are christians and are planning on saving themselves for marriage, so they are not having sex.  But I tell them it is not right for them to be sleeping together (even if it's just sleeping) until they get married.  Is  there anywhere in the bible that says this is not appropriate, in God's plan, for unmarried individuals?  That would help me  out alot if I could have an explanation for this arrangement and how I feel about it.  Thank you.

Answer
Hi Bill,

Thank you for this great question.  Here are a few simple truths that might help you.

1.  THe word "fornication" comes from the Greek pornea... it is refering to any kind of sexual activity not just intercourse.  Often when a couple is doing what you described, they figure that as long as they do not actually have intercourse, they are OK... but they are not.

2.  They are playing with fire.  If they really are attracted to each other in a way that warrents a marriage, then they should be greatly tempted... even if they resist.  The Bible tells us to avoid the temptation, not get as close as possible.

Romans 13:14
14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

1 Corinthians 10:13
13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.  
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

3.  Paul gives us only two was to avoid the sin of fornication.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2


Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

- Either do not touch... AT ALL or get married.  They are obviously not following that if they are sleeping in the same bed.

4.  Only the marriage bed is undefiled.

Hebrews 13:4
4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this gives you some things to work with.

In Christ
Pastor Don