Expert: Eleanor Edwards - 4/18/2009

Question
Hey

I'm an Evangelical and I know it says in the bible you shouldn't have sex before marriage or lust because it is a sin. I don't want to have sex before marriage, as I'm 100% saving myself for my husband.

I was wondering, would kissing be considered a sin?
or having a boyfriend a sin?

If you're with a male, it's because you're looking to marry, right? So is it wrong to have a boyfriend, like just kiss, hold hands hug and THAT'S IT. no sex.
but would it still be wrong?
because if you're with that person, it's because you like them, so would this be considered lust?

I don't want to sin, I want to follow my faith right, but i'm not sure, what's right or wrong?

thanks so much!
God bless!

Answer
Hi Neela,
Thank you for your question and apologies for being so very, very slow in responding.

I really appreciate how thoughtful you're being and would first off encourage you, if you're not already, to talk to God about this. Because I don't know who God has for you to marry or how old you'll be when you marry him but what happens if 10 years from now you've still not met 'the one'?

I know that if you remain faithful to God and start (or continue) asking God to lead the right man into your life, He will do so. I'm not suggesting you will have to wait a long time but if you are to trust in God, you need to trust Him totally. And the only way we can trust God totally is if we are close to Him, talking to Him each day and reading what He has to say to you through His word.

So having encouraged you to start asking God to guide a man into your life who shares your love for Him, let me try and answer your questions.

Remember, we as Christians do not do things like the world does things. And God honors us for keeping His precepts and laws. I don't believe that kissing, per se, is a sin. But, it can lead to sin. Remember, the Bible says that you sin not only if you have sex with a man outside of marriage, but if you even think about it in your mind. Try heavy kissing and then refrain from your imagination running wild. It's very hard.

So if you don't have a boyfriend right now, I wouldn't rush into anything and would certainly discourage you from dating a boy who does not share your relationship with Jesus. Ask God to send the right person into your life and trust that He will. If you meet someone and you have feelings for Him, ask God if you should date this person.

Then when you start getting to know the young man who God guides into your life, you and the young man need to talk about what we're talking about today. Agree guidelines and boundaries that you can, with God's help, both stick to. And if having set boundaries, don't forget to ask God to help you on a daily basis.

I trust this will help a little but if there is anything I haven't explained clearly enough, please ask :)

But more than anything else, make developing and enriching your relationship with God your number one goal. Talk to Him and ask Him to help you turn to Him off and on throughout the day.

In His love,
Eleanor
allexperts@eleanoredwards.co.uk

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."
Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)