Expert: Susan Milillo - 5/28/2009

Question
I am not a teen but, I would appreciate your advice on a teen issue. I am 38 and the Mom and homemaker for four delightful homeschooled children, including two beautiful older teen-age girls who turn 14 on June 8th.
We are a traditional Baptist and conservative Christian family with very high moral and religious beliefs. I have a loving and caring husband who is an excellent and strong father figure and caring provider for us all.

As a devoted Christian wife and homemaker I submit to my husbands authority in all issues in accordance with Biblical edicts and because it is the kind of marriage I always desired.

This always includes modest sensible dressing in a stylish way in skirts and dresses - though we allow the girls to wear loose track-suits for exercise.

In my case this also requires me to always wear a good quality expensive type girdle or all-in-one because it pleases my husband, who says it helps make  me more ladylike and proper. In truth, they do help me feel very well-groomed, respectable and feminine.

This week my husband is insisting and adamant that I now buy girdles for both the twins. I think they are still too young to wear such tight controlling foundation garments and these things are now out of fashion for girls of their age. I also don't see how they would be practical garments for Christian Summer Camp where there is a lot of physical activity. My husbands main concern is that the twins are now getting a lot of attention from boys as they are very mature with very good figures but I know the girls really don't do anything maliciously to attract attention from boys to their physical bodies and there is no chance of them behaving inappropriately. It is a bit of a concern for me but the girls are very aware of our belief in chastity until marriage and no dating until age 18 and I trust them.

My husband quotes Proverbs 31:17. 'She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms.' While I agree this verse upholds to Christian ladies adorning themselves in modest sensible dress - as well as guarding against sin and temptation. I really don't think it has any relevance to what is practically a modern ladies undergarment. In my case, I never wore a panty girdle until age 18 and even then Mom only required me to wear one for Sunday church or formal occasions.

I abhor questioning my husband's attitude and direction but I think he is a bit strict about this and I really hope you don't think I am been silly or making mountains out of molehills but should I say something to my husband about what I think without offending him.  
Blessings Esther  

Answer
Dear Esther,

   Thank you for trusting me with your question. I must say honestly, I am only 31, and have only a five year old son; so I'm not sure if my thoughts are the only ones you should look for on this issue, by any means! -- But here are my thoughts:
   The issues of dress and modesty are certainly personal ones.  But I think you, as your girls' mom, have reason to have confidence in your intuition about quite a few things, maybe especially feminine modesty.  I feel your husband would be wise to value your point of view.   
   Whether he obviously values it or not, I believe strongly that you have the privilege and actually the responsibility to share your feelings, thoughts, and persuasions with your husband - about all important issues - and perhaps especially about something that involves the rearing of the daughters that you both share.
    Then after you share with him, and you encourage him to pray about it, you discuss it together and hopefully arrive at a mutual decision, leave it in God and your husband's hands.
   And, I think, make every effort to speak of it privately, so your daughters are not consciously aware (needlessly) of your different perspectives on the issue.  

     I hope this helps, at least that it helps further your thoughts in the right direction!  I pray the Lord gives you wisdom and guides you into all truth (John 15--17 -- the Holy Spirit).

          Sincerely,
            Susan M.