Expert: Eleanor Edwards - 5/7/2009

Question
Dear Eleanor,

Thanks to you in advance. Recently (less a month ago) I lost a very close grandmother suddenly to a fatal heart attack in her sleep. This was completely unexpected.

Now, a few weeks later my other grandmother has gotten pneumonia and broken her pelvis and will not ever leave the hospital, she is going to die soon.

Also my close friend's mother is trying to shut me out of my friends life even though we care for each other very much.

I have never been one to react greatly to deaths but after these two sudden deaths and loss of a friend of people I love so much, I can't help but ask is God punishing me for something? I have good grades and have never broken the law as far as I know, so why is he doing this to me? Any thoughts?

Why does God take the ones we love so much from us?

Thanks for any advice,
Charlotte Louise

Answer
Hi Charlottle,
Thank you for writing and sorry for being so slow in replying. We're off to France in a couple of days and things have been a bit hectic.

I'm so very sorry to hear of all you've gone through with the loss of your grandmother and your other grandmother's accident and imminent death. To lose one person you love is hard but to have to deal with all this at the same time is tough.

The simple answer to is God punishing you for something is I don't believe so. He loves you and whilst bad things do happen to people in the bible as a result of sin, this is usually to a group of people (such as the children of Israel as they were trying to reach the Promised Land) rather than individuals.

Your grandmothers are dying because unfortunately this is what happens to people as they get older. And it hurts so much because we were never meant to die. When He created us, God made us to have a relationship with Him. And death was not a part of that. Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us, 'He has also set eternity in the hearts of men' which explains why it hurts so much when we lose the people we love.

But I have no doubt you know the story of Adam and Eve. Satan tempted Eve, she gave in, sin and death entered the world.

So whilst God sees everything and knows what is going on in your life, I don't believe He 'takes the ones we love so much from us'. There are occasions when God works in miraculous ways and people who should, by normal chain of events, have died don't.

At the age of 3, my daughter was falling down the stairs, I literally saw her start rolling sideways. And then she suddenly just stopped. At the bottom of our steep stairs is a hard stone floor. I believe that God sent an angel to stop my little girl from falling that day.

A girl called Katie went to the church we went to when I was a child. She was dying of leukemia. There was nothing left to do to help her. The church were on their knees begging God to step in and perform a miracle. That night, Katie's parents were called to her beside because the doctors were so worried she wouldn't survive the night. She was burning up. The next morning when she woke up, the leukemia was gone. The amazed doctors couldn't find a trace of it in her body.

So God can and does perform miracles still today. But other times things just continue in their usual manner. Why God chooses to heal some people and not others is one that people have struggled with for years.

My sister-in-law is expecting her second child in 3 weeks time. She's been told that the little baby girl has no hand at the end of her left limb. Some of us have been praying for a miracle. I know God can cause that baby's hand to grow but I also know that He might choose not to and if that happens, it's because He has His reasons. (I don't know how this particular story ends because the baby isn't born yet, I'll keep you posted on that one.)

Ultimately, God is God. As it says in Psalm 8:
"When I consider your heavens,
  the work of your fingers,
  the moon and the stars,
  which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,
  the son of man that you care for him?"

But of course God is mindful of us and does care for us. He will be hurting to see you hurting and if you let Him, He can comfort you.

Do you know Jesus? God sent Jesus to die on a cross for you and me for two reasons. The first and, in my humble opinion, the best reasons Jesus died was so that we can be in heaven with God when we die. This is much preferable to an eternity in hell, hence the reason why I said it was the best reason!

But the other reasons why Jesus died on the cross is so that you can have a relationship with God right now. And if you have Jesus in your life, you also have the gift of the Holy Spirit, and He's the best comforter and counselor I've met to date.

In case you don't know Jesus and are wondering how you can get to know Him, it's actually very easy. You just have to believe that Jesus is God's son, that He came to Earth, lived, died and came back to life again and you just ask Him to become a part of your life.

This reply has got too long already so let me know where you're at with Jesus and we can talk some more. I don't leave for France until Wednesday night so feel free to get in touch again before then if I can help. I'll include my e-mail address below.

Hang in there Charlotte, this will get easier with time.
I trust and pray that this will have been of some help to you and look forward to catching up with you again soon.
In His love,
Eleanor
allexperts@eleanoredwards.co.uk

Romans 10:9-10
If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.