Expert: Susan Milillo - 5/23/2009

Question
Hi, my name is Hayden I'm 15 years old and I am a Christian. I had a best friend (my only friend) for almost a year. He stutters very badly and one night we were around some other kids and I did something very stupid. I started making fun of his stuttering. I really thought at the time that he wouldn't be offended, but I was very wrong. I made him cry and he canceled staying over at my house like he was supposed to that night.

I didn't really have any other friends besides him and I always do something stupid to ruin a friendship. I think that this is the worst. The thing is that he said he forgave me and not to worry about it but when I hung out at his house it didn't feel the same as before. He actually has other friends besides me so when I have come over someone else is usually there as well. It seems like we are not best friends anymore and I stayed away for a while but he has never called me. So I think I killed another friendship.

Do you think God can restore our friendship?

and

How do I keep from doing things all the time that push people away (I am very lonely right now)?

Answer
Dear Hayden,

   I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened.  It is always hard when it feels like a friendship is fading - and especially, I guess , when it seems to have something to do with something we did or didn't do.
   First of all, yes, I know God can restore any relationship.  If you are fully given in your heart to Him, and if your friend is too, He can heal and mend.
   Second, make sure you have made it clear to your friend that you realize what you did was not appropriate, and that you know you were very wrong - and ask specifically, 'Will you please forgive me?'  Sometimes we say, 'Sorry', but sometimes that doesn't justly express the sorrow we and our friend both feel.  If you feel you have already shown your friend that you understand the seriousness of it, perhaps it is best to not bring it up again. Sometimes you've got to 'feel it out' with those things.
   Third, and most important for from now on, remember 'The Golden Rule' - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  This is a Biblical principle, not just a 'good standard of conduct.'  We are told by God to 'love your neighbor as yourself'.    From now on, before you say or do something towards a friend, ask yourself the question, "Is this something I would want a friend of mine to say/do to me?"  If not, or if it feels questionable, DON'T.  Then, make a list of all things that you WOULD LIKE for a friend to say/do to you, and make it a point to say/do those things to a friend or potential friend.
     I just prayed for you, in my heart -- friendships are by far the most rewarding thing in life, but certainly also one of the hardest sometimes.  Hang in there.  Mistakes in friendships are as common as friendships themselves.  Don't get down on yourself; remember, at least you are out there trying!! :-)

       Love in Jesus,
            S.M.