Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 6/11/2009

Question
I'm only 14,and believed I was a bisexual.
{Is being a bi count when you only have feelings for another person or just when you act on those feelings?}
I started going to church and got serious about my walk with God,but I was still a bi,got close to a friend then ended developing feelings for her,I told her I did,I had a desire to change so we had a talk with my youth leader and he insisted that I keep a distance but we ended up not talking for a month already,I've been praying,reading the bible and studying my situation and I feel like I'm not bi anymore but I don't feel like my youth leader wouldn't believe me,I feel like he'll think I'm just lying so that I can talk to my friend again but I'm just so confused....I  mean a MONTH,I miss her,I don't even make eye contact with her anymore,sometimes I'm angry with myself because I'm so jacked up,I feel like I disgust her,I just feel unwanted but,theres just so much just racing through my mind that its getting harder and harder for me to understand who I am,I feel like I've lost myself,I don't even know who I am or where I'm headed,I feel like I've been standing in the same spot,I just,it hurts so much...

Answer
Hi Ashley,

Thank you for this great question. I am very sorry for my late response.  This is a very confusing time for you.  I am sorry that you are going through this.

I think one of the confusions is the label bisexual.  Most human beings are capable of all kinds of dark acts of depravity, if they open the door to them.  Bisexuality is a sin that many can fall into if they open the door to consider the possibility in the first place.  Once that line has been crossed, then a person could act on that fantasy... opening the door to all kinds of other deeper levels of depravity.  One is not born a bi or gay... it is an appetite that is developed over a period of time.  Jesus teaches that when you open a door to sin, you can become a servant or a slave to that sin.

John 8:34
34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you,  Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

You have admitted that under the right circumstances you could have bisexual feelings toward your friend.  As you walk in the Spirit, those feelings and desires grow dim, you do not feel "bi" anymore.  Praise God!  That does not mean that you could not at some time be drawn back into that sin pattern again.  You must continue deepening your relationship with God through personal Bible study, prayer, and church attendance.  The stronger you grow, the better you will be able to keep this lust of the flesh in check.

Do not be discouraged... most of us have some kind of lust we must battle.  Many teens battle heterosexual lust... and the same care must be taken.  They are not to date alone, go parking or otherwise tempt themselves to sin heterosexually.

Romans 13:14
14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

You must take the same precautions, but now it is with both sexes.  That does not mean you cannot have friends... it means you need to be accountable to someone about your relationships, and avoid situations that could lead you to be tempted.

Trust your youth pastor's wisdom on this... but communicate exactly what you told me.  Let him know how you feel and see if he has more wisdom for you.  Do not give up!  This battle over the flesh gets a bit easier as you continue to have victory.

I will pray for you.

In Christ
Pastor Don