Expert: Dr Tim Gladu - 6/9/2009

Question
Hi, I'm 19 years old, And I am ready to leave my home. I am ready for reasons such as I want to have my own life, and my parents are verbally abusive to me in many areas of my life. I love them, and they love me, but arguments are too much to handle anymore. Its gotten to the point where I've become bitter (working on that) about the way they treat me. My father is a pastor. I told them tonight that I was leaving my home, and they went ballistic. I am moving up north where my girlfriend is...I am not moving there for her, just because I have a place to live there and a job making MUCH better money than I am now.I do not want to leave my family under bad pretences, yet my parents, who have called many family members already and have had them call me to tell me how wrong I am for leaving when my parents dont want me to,seem intent on making this a bad experience. My father, a fundamental baptist preacher, told me he would get up in the pulpit on sunday, and preach a sermon about rebellious children, point out my name, and make an example of me...FROM THE PULPIT!!! Does that sound right? I just want to start a new life. I will still be going to the college that my parents had chosen for me. They just cant accept that I'm ready to leave. Am I biblically wrong for leaving my home at 19 when they say no? They say I'm breaking the command of God that says to honor my parents. Can't I honor them if I leave? Are my parents right for acting the way they are? My brother understands, and doesnt blame me...he wishes he could go with me. Shouldnt they be able to understand and support me, or should I just continue to stay somewhere I feel unhappy at?

Answer
Carroll,

There comes a time that if we do not leave our parents home we may not be able to take them any longer. I understand how you feel and if you have the means to support yourself then you have every right to leave. You are an adult and can make your own decisions. Your parents really can’t tell you what to do at this point. They have the right to not support you financially but if you do not need their support then move forward. You sound like you are at a point that if you do not leave that you may leave with a bad taste in your mouth about them and just not look back. I left when I was 18 and so I understand how you feel. You are also not going against the Bible. We are to honor our parents and you sound like you are doing that. They are to raise you in the Bible so when you are older you will make the right choices. Here are a few verses to consider. I am sure that your father is very strict and that is hard to deal with. I am sure that he loves you and just wants to keep you close. I am not sure that you can really be considered a rebellious child, but I am sure he may interpret the Bible differently than I do. That is what makes the Bible so great because we can all see something different but still agree on the fundamentals.

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Pleasant words promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:21)

A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:23)

To show partiality in judging is not good. (Proverbs 24:23)

He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. (Colossians 3:20)

May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice! (Proverbs 23:25)

Since my youth, 0 God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. (Psalm 71:17)

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. (Psalm 119:9)