Expert: Susan Milillo - 7/11/2009

Question
QUESTION: Someone just told me that if I had to ask if I am Saved then obviously I am not. I go to an Apostolic church but I am really Pentocostal.MY beliefs are that if you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour and ask Him for forgiveness from your sins then you are saved.But of course different denominations have different beliefs on what actually makes you saved so if I went to a non denominational church it might make me confused. So if you don't mind,I will ask my question again.- Well when I was about 8,I asked for God's forgiveness but at the time,I did it because I didn't want to go to hell.I didn't really love GOD because I didn't really know Him that well.So then like 2 years later,I got the Holy Ghost but then I felt that my church was trying to really push me into it so I just all of a sudden shut down.About a year ago or a couple of months ago,I just decided that I didn't want to go to church anymore.I go once in a while but not every Sunday and I feel that if I am just going to make people happy and just to be there then that's a vain reason to go.If you're not there for GOD then there's no point in goingI tried reading my Bible and I started from the first chapter and tried to read the whole book in order.Well that got boring and I didn't understand anything so I stopped that too.So now,the only thing that I will do is pray and majority of the time,it's to ask for things.I'm not really sure if I love GOD because I haven't really got to know Him nor hae I really tried anymore.I know I have really backslided in that area.Does this mean that I am not saved?Or at least anymore now?So now I am not saved?!?!?!?!?!?!?!Now I might as well kill myself.The thing is that I don't know if my heart was into when I was eight,at the time,I Was a little willing to get to know GOD better but now I am hearing this?What are you saying now.Now I am not saved?Yes I do believe that He is the son of GOD and that He died for our sins so that we can be forgiven.I asked Him for forgiveness.At the time,I didn't want to go to hell but at the time,I was young and I wanted to I guess know Him better.But after that,I just drifted off.But now I don't even know if I am saved.Does it sound like I am saved?If I didn't ove GOD when I got saved then does this mean that I am not saved?Do I need to get saved again? I know this is terribly off subject.But now I am in even worse trouble if I am not saved.I feel even worse.They told me that I have to accept Jesus as my master which is what I thought accepting Him as my Saviour meant.It make sme want to commit suicide even more than before.Maybe my life is just going down the drain.I mean,I have everything academically and school-wise going for me.But everything else is just terrible. I live with my mom and she is on welfare and medical cards but yet my dad is rich.I don't live with my dad.But I live with my mom in an apartment building that my dad owns,he owns a lot. I guess you could say that my mom is middle class because we aren't poor.My dad always gives us the money to pay our bills and buy food and all of that stuff. So does this mean that I am poor? There are days when my mom doesn't have money.But we don't starve or don't have clothes but there are some days that there is nothing to eat (which is rare)because I eat up everything and she doesn't have time to go to the store or my dad hasn't given her the money. I am stuggling with my sexuality.I'm not pretty.I have bad thoughts and can not seem to get my mind together.And now I might not be saved?Please respond! I don't feel good.I'm not alright.This makes me want to do something drastic.Like suicide!I asked Him into my heart but at the time,it was because I didn't want to go to hell or anything.Am I not saved then?Do I need to get saved again or something? Also I am wondering if I have blaspemed.Sometimes when I say the word gay or something similar,I suddenly look at a picture of Jesus even though I wasn't tlakign about Him.And sometimes I think about blaspemy.I also wonder if I have sold my soul.I sometimes think about selling it.And sometimes I say "If I don't do this then my soul is....." I don't want to say the rest.But I don't want to sell my soul.Does this mean that I have?Please answer all of these questions!Well the thing is that I received Him as my Saviour however,I jsut feel like I didn't fully receive Him because I still live the same way I do.Of course I don't want to go to hell and I want to be taken when the Rapture comes and I have tried to draw closer to Him but all of my tries have failed.I have already did what you have said that it takes to be saved.I;ve done all of it,but I have tried to change my ways but I jsut have the tendancy to go back to my old lifestyle.I;m just so confused.For the past couple of nights,maybe even week I'd say,I haven't been able to go to sleep without thinking about the Rapture hapening at that very moment and me being stuck here.So the only thing that I do find comfort in is talking to God at that moment.And even then,I still have doubts that I am saved.But I dont't really like going to church and I don't read my Bible,the only thing that I do is pray and talk to God.But I just feel like I am doomed.Everything that you said,I've did,because I really want to be saved.And yet,it's still not good enough.But I have asked Him into my life but yet I still feel like I didn't entirely want Him to take complete control of my life and it bothers me,and it scares me.I've tried to think about how I could stop doing ungodly things and I have tried to stop but I still mess up.I feel like I still want to continue living the way I do now,even after I asked Him into my life.I just really don't know what else to do.And,I don't know,it just kind of makes me feel like He doesn't want me.I tried everything and still it seems like I am ot saved.I've confessed,I know that He died for my sins and rose again,I know I am a sinner,I asked Him into my life,I've did everything,and it's just not enough.It's hard to say how I felt when I asked Him to be my Saviour.And it's just so confusing.I wanted to change my ways and life and try to draw closer to Him and it didn't work.But every single day and night now,I question my salvation.I can't enjoy my summer vacation because of it,at nigh,I can't think because of it.All of this time,I thought that I was saved.Seriously,what else can I possibly do?A better question is this,when you ask Jesus to become your Saviour,how do you know if you mean it?

ANSWER: Dear Corrina,


   Whoever told you that if you have to ask if you are saved you must not be, is seriously deluded in that matter. I'm so sorry someone told you that.  There is actually a quote, by a famous C.S. Lewis, "He who has never truly doubted has never truly believed."
   I would say definitely it sounds to me like you are saved.   I think maybe you are hung up on the whole feelings thing of it.   The fact that you withdrew a little when your church started pressuring you is not a fault of yours, I believe that they probably WERE being too pushy, and what you did makes sense.
   Can I encourage you to get back to your Bible? That's the only place we find truly solid truth, and the thoughts of God Himself.  We can get so lost in speculation of our experience, but the truth is in there.  I'm thinking you got bored because of where you started to read. Usually it's best to start in say, the New Testament book of the gospel of John.  And use a translation that you like, that is easy for you to understand.  Try something devotional like the Psalms, and then maybe  Colossians.  Trust God- He wants to reveal Himself to you, truly.
He so has not given up on you.

Love you,
SM

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well what if the only reason why you accepted Jesus as your Saviour is to avoid going to hell?Is that a bad thing?

Answer
Dear Corrina,

      I assume you wouldn't mind, I consulted my pastor on your question, about someone receiving Christ to escape hell, as their reason.   So I want to paraphrase here what he responded to me:

     Jesus did tell people to flee hell. It isn't the whole picture, but the issue is that they know the only right way to flee hell is to flee into the arms of an all loving, sufficient Savior who gave His life so that hell could be escaped by faith. (Why wouldn't you love Him!?). You could think of the analogy of escaping into the arms of a fireman who risks his life coming into a burning building to get you out. Of course you want to get out of the flames, but you couldn't find the way until the fireman came for you. Wouldn't you love him even more!     ~~~   Then, of course we will spend eternity enjoying the infinite love of the Savior of our Souls. The Biblical faith is more than escaping hell, but it can be a part of the initial motivation for wanting to flee to Jesus.


        Does this help Corrina ?  Please let me know if you still have more questions. I love to discuss these things, and I want to help you if in any way I can.

Love you,
SM