Expert: Carl Fuglein - 7/10/2009

Question
I've grown up with religion around me. Not as much as some people, but it has been there none the less. At one point, I had a high amount of faith in everything about Christianity, but as I have gotten older, I've noticed myself questioning it more. It's not that I don't believe in a higher power, I still pray almost every night. Most of the time, for help to see things clearly. I just have so many disagreements with certain things in the bible that don't even apply to me. Homosexuality for example, I'm a straight 18 year old female, but I have no problem with homosexuality. I know the bible says it's wrong, but the bible also says that each man is created in God's image yet those who have been born attracted to the same sex are automatically condemned. I just don't understand. But now, for the part that does pertain to my life. Me and my bofriend are both 18 years old, and we've had sex. I know that's not "the right way" but I feel no guilt from it. I believe that I love my boyfriend with everything that I have and if God is love then I don't understand why I would not be allowed to share that love in the exact moment that I feel it. It doesn't feel like lust to me. Not with him anyway. I know what lust feels like and this is different, but it doesn't feel bad. The bible refers many times to "sexual immorality." Usually when something is immoral, you should feel bad about it, but I never do. I guess, for my own personal help, it would just be great to get a second opinion and possibly the scriptures that specifically note the definition of "sexual immorality."

Thanks so much,
Sam

Answer
Hi Sam-

Here's some verses for you to ponder.  There are several others, but this covers the idea:

Proverbs 6:25 - Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.

Ephesians 4:19 - Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

Colossians 3:5 - Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

1 Thessalonians 4:4-6 - that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.


You said:
yet those who have been born attracted to the same sex are automatically condemned. I just don't understand.

I have to take issue with this.  God does NOT condemn those with merely an attraction to the same sex.  What is condemned is homosexual behavior, i.e., homosexual sex.  A celibate gay or Lesbian is not necessarily sinning.  This is a distinction that far too many people do not understand.  All those churches and church people who complain about and judge gay people need to take a hike in my book - it's not showing the love that Jesus showed to everyone he met.

Are you sinning when you have sex with your boyfriend?  Yes.  Just because you don't feel guilty doesn't mean you're not sinning, because you are.  God said no sex before marriage, and He meant it.  I won't condemn, I'll forgive you, but you need to evaluate whether you want to save yourself for a marriage partner or not.  If you decide not to (which you already have), there's not anything I can say or do that will make you feel better about that - you are almost old enough to make that decision on your own.  I think it's the wrong one, but sexual sin is no worse than any other sin.  Sin is sin, separation from God.  And if that's what YOU choose, then you have to live with that.  I felt the same way when I was your age, but now I regret it.  I think it would have been better to wait.  You ultimately have to decide how to live your life and whether or not to attempt to lead a sinless life.  It's up to you.

Hope this helps.  Please take the time to rate my answer.

blessings,
carl