Expert: Carl Fuglein - 7/9/2009

Question
Hi there, my name is Chenelle and I am 21 years old..You know for quite a long time I believed that people should wait for marriage before engaging in sexual intercourse. However, I now realize that this is unrealistic. In a bible group I was studying with for a while, they preached celebacy/abstinance to college students, saying people must be married before sex, which in some regards I can understand. Yet, recently there have been about 4 engagements of people my age 21, 22 and 23. And I happen to have a hunch that this is because these people would like to have sex. Yet, I don't necessarily know how to address this issue. So I guess I question if it's a bigger mistake to marry and then divorse than have sex before marriage? These christians are marrying because they want to have sex, but what if a couple years down the road they realize the person they've married was a big mistake. Also, what if someone does not end up getting married or would like to have a child but not be married? But I do think there is a place and time for sex, just not sure marriage is necessarily that time.

Answer
Chenelle-

What you do with your body is your decision.  Is it a sin to have sex before marriage?  yes.  But I don't think it's necessarily a bigger sin than divorcing just because you find out your spouse isn't who you thought they were.

There are 2 big reasons, and a lot of small ones, for not having sex.  The first is that it is a sin.  The second is that once you've rung the bell, you can't unring it.  Your body is the greatest gift that you can give to your spouse.  Are you sure you want to give it to someone else just for a trial run?  After you've had sex, that person is going to be in your marriage bed with you, if only on your conscience.

You're making a value judgement about your friends, and I'm not sure that's a good idea.  They're adults, too, and they're entitle to get married for any reason at all, or no reason.  Getting married just to have sex is a HORRIBLE reason.  You want to get married to your best friend, spiritually and emotionally, long before you should even think about the sex.  Trust me, if you're in tune with your future spouse in every other way, the sex won't become a problem, and it's fun to figure it all out together.

Having a child is a great idea, but actually making the baby with your spouse is even more fun.  I'm not sure single people should have kids - I really think it takes two parents to properly raise a child.

Here's a couple websites to look at for reasons NOT to have sex:



http://www.intervarsity.org/studentsoul/item/why-wait

http://www.unification.net/tfv/tenreasons.html


I hope this helps.  Feel free to write again with more questions, and please take the time to rate my answer.

blessings,

carl