Expert: Carl Fuglein - 8/18/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi Carl. My name is Justice and I'm a 12 year old girl. I've gone to a Christian school since I was 4. All my life I have believed and trusted God. There was never any doubt in my mind that he was real. But lately I've been lacking faith and belief. It's hard for me to believe in God because I have trouble believing in things that I can't see. I feel so lost now that I don't believe in him. I want to pray but I don't know who to pray to. I always read books such as Looking For Alaska by; John Green which pose questions about life after death. I didn't really pray a lot but I always believed. Is it wrong that I feel this way? What should I do?

ANSWER: Justice

What a pretty name!  I really like it.

Hmmmm, lack of faith.  Well, Justice, reality has set in.  After believing in something that you can't see for 12 years, you know begin wondering.  It happens to virtually every Christian that ever was, so you're not alone.  Things get tough and you wonder where God is.  Well, he's the same place that He's always been - right by your side.  Sometimes you can't see Him, other times you can - because He comes in the form of other people to comfort you or cry with you, He comes in the form of a beautiful sunset that warms your heart; He comes in the form of an unexpected piece of mail that may change your life.  God IS there, and will ALWAYS be there.  Sometimes you just have to look a little harder.

Who do you pray to?  God.  Talk to Him like He was your daddy or your favorite brother or sister or your mom.  Call Him Papa or Momma or Daddy.  Jesus called him Abba which translates to Daddy.  The Bible says you should pray without ceasing.  This actually CAN be done for short periods of time.  But there are other ways to pray - giving service to others is a form of prayer.

It is not wrong that you feel this way.  It happens to all of us.  Just pray a little harder, and look a little harder, and I think you'll find God again.

hugs,

carl


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much. I also have one more question. It doesn't relate to the other one though. When I was in 5th grade we had a sex ed class. They gave us a book to read too. In the book it said the masturbation is a sin and as Christians we aren't allowed to do it. I don't masturbate, but I was just wondering. Do you think it's wrong that they said that, seeing as the bible doesn't specifically say it?

Answer
Justice-

Masturbation is a really complicated question.  I'm actually surprised that you actually had a book that talked about it - most teachers and a lot of sexual education curriculum avoid talking about it altogether.

Masturbation is that secret, dirty, little sin that no one talks about it.  Is it a sin?  I honestly don't know since God hasn't told me directly.  Despite what some people might say, masturbation is not mentioned in the Bible at all.  Many people consider it a sin.  Many do not.  My personal belief is that it MIGHT be, because it keeps you focused on yourself in a sexual way rather that focusing on your spouse or future spouse.  And in addition, masturbation is almost always associated with lust, which is very much a sin in the Bible, and pornography, which although not in the Bible, is indirectly and directly related to lust as well.

Some people think that masturbation is actually good because it brings an end to lust (i.e., after you masturbate, you don't want to lust any more).  Others think it's okay becaus they masturbate instead of having pre-marital or extra-marital sex.  (A lesser sin may in some ways be better than a greater sin - but it's still a sin.)

From a physiological point of view, the first sex that you have (which is almost always masturbation) will cause your brain to fixate on that - i.e., "wow this feels good, I want to keep doing this" instead of trying something new, i.e., sex with your spouse.

Trust me, masturbation is not the best sex you'll ever have. You've made a wise decision not to.  You've got a lot of life ahead of you - it'll be soon enough when you're ready for marriage.

Do I think the book was wrong?  Yes, I think it was.  I think an honest discussion about masturbation should have been in its place rather than just saying its a dirty little sin and is going to make you go blind and your hands will fall off, so don't do it.  That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.  I think we need to have honest discussions about sex with our children, and that would go a long way towards stopping the decadent society we've become with everybody on TV having sex with everyone else with no consequences.  There ARE consequences to having sex, some life-altering.

Hope this helps.

hugs,
carl

as always, please rate my answer and give me some feedback, and feel free to ask more questions if you have them.