Expert: Carl Fuglein - 10/7/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello, to start this off my name is Greg and I am 20 years old.
This is a tough question for me to ask, and also a verry odd one that Im pretty sure you've never heard before.  My main question is, what is the bibles view on sexual fetishes and paraphilias?  The reason I ask is because although I am christian, I am not as well versed on the bible as I should be, and as far as I know, Ive never heard anything like this asked before.
To be more specific, I personally have a fetish for diapers, namely Paraphilic Infantilism, which also includes wanting to be treated as a toddler/baby.  I have never had the courage to ask anyone this question in real life, although several years ago I did see a therapist abought the issue.
So back to my main question, is this activity wrong?  If so, what should I do abought it?  It is a verry strong urge I've had as far back as I can remember, even before puberty.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you

ANSWER: Hi Greg-

You're right and wrong about my hearing about sexual fetishes.  I've had several questions about fetishes.  Although I've heard of your particular fetish, I've never had a question about it.

I'll try to answer your question from a John Wesley (founder of Methodism) view.  He came up with what is now called the Quadrilateral.  He felt all issues should be viewed as follows:

Scripture:  What does the Bible say about it?
Tradition:  What does our tradition say about it?
Experience: What does our personal experience say about it?
Reason:     What seems like a reasonable point of view?

Looking at your particular fetish, I've never seen any reference to it in scripture.  If it's not in scripture, then we need to make a reasonable decision about it.  Traditionally, it's not a mainstream practice, but it doesn't seem to be harmful. From a legal standpoint, it's not against the law, so you're okay there. I've never experienced it, so I can't say for sure, but I believe that if it feels "right" to you, then it's okay from a Christian point of view, but I think there's some more reasonable answers, or at least other things to consider.

Another thing that I consider is how you personally feel about it?  Do YOU feel it's wrong?  Obviously, you have some concerns, otherwise you wouldn't have asked.  If YOU'RE feeling guilty about it, then perhaps it IS a sin for you.  If you're asking not out of guilt, but of curiousity, then perhaps it ISN'T a sin for you.

If you're practicing this (or thinking about practicing this) as a "sexual" fantasy, then you've
got to realize if it culminates in sex, then you ARE sinning if you're doing it with someone other than your spouse.  This includes fantasizing about it and masturbating, which opens a whole can of worms which I won't go into here - if you have questions about that, ask again.

I think that once you get married, practicing this as foreplay is not at all harmful.  Weird perhaps in some people's opinion, but anything practiced "behind closed doors" isn't anybody else's business.  I would guard against doing this exclusively prior to sex - there are a whole lot of other fantasies that you might find interesting.  Bottom line is this - if God doesn't specifically prohibit it, and it involves only a married couple, then pretty much anything goes.  Many married couples practice all sorts of things in a healthy relationship.  As long as neither spouse doesn't want to do it, and it's not illegal, and God doesn't prohibit it, and no one gets hurt physically or emotionally, then who is society to ban it?

If I were you, I'd continue pursuing with a therapist why you have this fetish.  It could be an underlying cause - early abuse, self awareness issues, or something else - I'm not a psychologist.  And then again, it just might be that you like it just like I love my wife to wear flannel nightgowns and pajamas.  Some people would consider that a fetish.  I just like the feel of flannel - it's soft.

I hope this helps.  Please take the time to rate my answer and give me some feedback.

Carl



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you and I appreciate you taking the time to answer.
The thing is, a lot of the time I do feal some guilt.  I never really was sure why, possibly it is because normally it does lead to masterbation.  Thats not to say that all the time I partake in this particular fetish it leads to that, but I would say that it is a regulare practice whenever i do.  That is the main reason I am not sure what to do, normally the....diaper, itself is what leads to masterbation, therefore Im not sure If I shouldnt practice this at all, or try to avoid masterbating whenever I do.  
This brings me to another question I have along with this one, I didnt really want to ask abought it in the first question because to be honest, I thought it would be a little much to address.  But I also do have homosexual thoughts, and what many would reffer to as same sex attraction.  I have gone on several dates with women, and just, in a way I dont feal the same thing as with a guy.  I know in my heart that it is wrong, and I do want to be with a woman and want to have a family one day, but I also feal that it will not be possible because of these attractions I have towards men.
Well thats abought all I have to say for this one, any help is again appreciated.
thank you

Answer
Hi Greg-

I would try very hard to avoid the masturbation - it sounds like it is becoming an addiction which will make it difficult for you to have a normal sex life when you get married.  As for your same sex attraction, that sounds serious, too.  I think you would benefit from talking to a coach or counselor.  May I suggest that you go to http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/ and click on the men link.  This site is primarily to help you break a porn addiction, but I would think that a fetish would fall right into there, too.  As for your homosexual thoughts, may I suggest http://www.christianlifesight.net/FreeChristianCounseling.htm

I think you may want to consider a Christian therapist in your town.  You're not crazy, and I'm not trying to say you are. What I'm saying is that therapy is very helpful in sorting out difficult issues.  I've benefited greatly from therapy.

I hope this helps.  Please take the time to rate my answer.

blessings,
carl