Expert: Susan Milillo - 1/11/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hello.  So, I am 15 years old and I strongly believe in my faith.  I recently have been talking to a guy from a school near me.  He is not a christian but I really like him.  He is also not a virgin and I have made clear that we are not going to have sex and I feel like he respects that.  We have been talking for 2 months but were not dating yet.  I don't think he really wants a serious relationship, I think he would rather just kinda hook up.  I feel like he really cares about me and he has told me that.  We have hung out a few times and well lets just say I ended up making out on top of him.  I really like him, but I don't know what to do.  I'm afraid to let him go but I don't know what to do.  I could really use some advice.

ANSWER: Dear Jaimie,

 It's totally understandable that you like this guy. Even non-Christians often have admirable and attractive qualities (not to mention, they can be gorgeous, just as much as Christian guys!!)
RIGHT ?? So I know where you are coming from.

 But let's face it plainly.  You admittedly are not totally in control of your action when you are around him.   Feelings make it hard if not impossible to see clearly, and to make good judgments.   Most importantly he's not a Christian . . . . so he will not encourage you in your relationship with God like you need.  In Ecclesiastes, it says how Solomon's foreign wives led him away from God.  So he ended up having a half heart towards God , a seriously diluted faith.

 So Jaimie, can I strongly urge you to do the hard thing . . . make a break from having any kind of really close relationship with him.  I'm praying for you girl, and I know it's hard - like pulling out a tooth, or cutting off an arm... but the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

With much love,
Susan M.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have broken off the "talking" and its REEALLLYY hard not to text him.  I hold my phone in my hand and think about him and say to my self no, no don't do it.  I am just asking for some reassurance in what Im doing is right.  Thanks so much.

Answer
Jaimie, you are doing so well, and yes I agree with you that you are totally doing the right thing by not texting him, not contacting him. I know it's so hard, and you feel like you could just say a little 'hi' here or there. But at least for a while, I think you are right to distance yourself, so you don't provide yourself with temptation that may end up being too much for you to handle.

Jaimie be God's,
Love, Susan M.