Expert: Susan Milillo - 1/14/2010

Question
Dear, Susan Milillo

Well first off I am 17 years old, and recently I have been struggling with trying to overcome my family's dysfunctions.  My dad is an alcoholic, which I found out that it has made a huge impact in my life.  My parents split and now I find it hard to have a relationship with my mom.  I have read a couple of books on codependency, I find that it help me understand my situation, and actually opened up my heart to God.  But recently so much has been going on in my life and I find it hard for myself to have a personal relationship with God and to continually keep my faith, to tell you the truth it feels like some type of spiritual battle, and I feel like I am losing.  I find myself thinking negative towards myself and my situation, I sometimes feel that its impossible to overcome my family situation and I often question God, which I don't mean to.  I just want to accomplish stability in my life and learn how to believe in God with my whole entire being, because he has proved to me in the past that he is there, and he has gotten me through a lot.  How do I keep my faith living in a dysfunctional family?  And How can I learn how to rely fully on God to get me through these hardships?

Sincerely,
Sara

Answer
Dear Sara,

   Your speaking of a dysfunctional family reminds me of a few people in the Bible. Are you familiar with the story of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph?  It's a generational sort of dysfunctional family, honestly.  You can read it in Genesis.  I guess really the story starts in chapter 16, then picks up in 21, and goes on pretty much through the end of Genesis.  Do you have a Bible? I strongly recommend your reading it.   Boy, that family was pretty messed up.  BUT it was the exact family that God chose to use to begin His favored nation, Israel, through which His Messiah would come, Jesus Christ!
   Regardless of your family background, God can use you mightily to serve Him!   
   My biggest point of advice is, this is going to take TIME.   This will be a slow, and sometimes painful growth process for you.  Just focus on each day at a time, each hour with God.
Read a little of His Word every day and ask Him how you can put it into practice. You are right, it IS a spiritual battle.  "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (There's more good stuff in this passage - see Ephesians 6:10 and following.
   It is not impossible to overcome your family situation.  So many strong and beautiful Christian servants of God have come from very difficult pasts. But just think - it's often because of these things that God can use you - for one thing, you really KNOW you need Him, and you won't maybe be as tempted to go it on your own strength, thinking that you're 'all that'; secondly, you will be able to relate to others. There is so much pain in the world, and Jesus wants to heal that pain and brokenness, yes, but first to use it to get through to the heart of people.  Because you are/have been THERE, you will be able to be used of Him in a special way.  Take heart, Sara.    And take the growing and healing process one day at a time, one step at a time.   Life is a very big PROCESS.....

Love,
Susan M.