Expert: Carl Fuglein - 1/29/2010

Question
Hi...
I was reading one of your essays you posted (the one that starts out with the roller coaster thing), because I'm not sure what a sex sin should be defined as. In your essay, you said it should be at the point where a male would get an erection or a girl would be wet in her vagina, but I  don't see how thins could be right, for me anyway. I (a girl)sometimes get wet just thinking about a crush (nothing sexual, just picturing him standing somewhere) and nothing more than that. How could something as small as that be defined as a sin?

So, is it OK that I would have a different definition of that word? Or should it be the same as yours?
I would define it that anything where any clothes are off/zippers undone/ genitals are touched (even on top of clothes) would be a sin,
but 'French kissing' would not be a sin. Do you think that is too far?

Thank you if you could try to answer me, it would definitely help my relationship with God to be better an clearer! :D


Answer
Jen-

I wrote first wrote that essay over 15 years ago, and I don't recall that anyone ever has challenged my definition.  Good for you - I like people that stand up for what they believe.

Jen, the whole point of the essay is that the personal decisions we make are our own, and that we need to make a decision way prior to putting yourself in that position of "well, he's already on top of me, and it feels good, so I guess unzipping his zippere wouldn't be much more."

You've made a decision, that's the right one for you.  French kissing is probably okay - the probalem is that a guy French kissing is a lot different than a girl - guys get their motors started way earlier than a girl.  So, the first time you French kiss a guy and he takes that as a signal to go farther and starts to grope you, you know why.

Jen, you sound like you're very wise.  Thanks for writing, and please take the time to rate my answer.

Blessings,

Carl