Expert: Brenda Martin - 11/23/2010

Question
i have a girlfriend and i found out that she is not a virgin anymore, in the past 4 months of our relationship, there is always a battle between my mind and my heart, my mind is telling me to break her up while my heart told me to stay with her. i am confused, i told to myself that i want to marry a woman whom i am the first man who will have a sex with her. your answer and advice will be highly appreciated

Answer
HI Joseph, this is a personal matter :¬)

The Israelites were under all such regulations of the Law, but Christians are not under that Law, including its regulations about engagement or marriage. (Romans 7:4, 6; Ephesians 2:15; Hebrews 8:6, 13)

However there are good questions to ask when thinking of marraige--‘Am I really sure of the other’s spirituality and devotion to God? Can I envision serving God with that one for a lifetime? Have we been adequately exposed to each other’s personality traits? Am I confident that we will be lastingly compatible? Do we know enough about the past actions and present circumstances of each other?’

Dating is a modern practice so its not mentioned in scripture, but it does say to; "marry only in the Lord" (another believer),in my religion (Jehovah's Witness) that means BOTH are virgins when they marry.

for example--"Once two Christians are betrothed, it is right for them and for others to expect that marriage will follow. Jesus admonished: “Let your word Yes mean Yes, your No, No.” (Matthew 5:37) Christians who get engaged should mean it. In a rare case, however, an engaged Christian may learn that something serious was not mentioned or was concealed before the betrothal. It might be a significant fact about the other’s past, even criminal or immoral acts. The Christian coming to know of this must decide what to do. Perhaps the two will discuss the matter thoroughly and agree to continue their engagement. Or they may mutually decide to end the engagement. Though doing so may be a private matter—not something that others should intrude into, try to second-guess, or judge—it is a very weighty decision. On the other hand, the one learning of the serious issue may personally feel compelled to end the engagement, even if the other person wants it to continue." (end of quote)

all the best
Brenda