Expert: Susan Milillo - 2/3/2010

Question
My mom goes to work every morning at 7:00 so my dad wakes me and my sister up at 7:10 every morning to get ready for school. He drops us off at school. Anyways, he comes into each one of our bedroom that we share and wakes us up and keeps the door wide open. Then he goes into the bathroom with the door wide open, takes his clothes off and masturbates in front of the mirror. Then he takes a shower. He refuses to close the door so he can "keep an eye on us." Our room has a clear view into the bathroom, and if I shut our door he gets angry because he doesn't know if we went back to sleep. I think he shouldn't be doing that and I think he does it just so we see him. We usually lay in bed until he is done with the shower so we can use the bathroom. I am 16 and my sister is 11. I don't think we need to see that everyday. What can I do? Its a little embarrassing to talk to my mom about.

Answer
Dear Carmen,

   Wow, you are so totally right, you should not have to see that!  It IS wrong, what he is doing.  I might even go so far as to label it sexual harassment. I don't think that would be going too far at all, actually.  
   I know it might be uncomfortable, but have you ever come right out and asked your dad to stop doing that in front of you ?  Have you told him that is why you want to close the doors?    Maybe you could turn your room light on and blare some music instead so that he could know you were not falling back to sleep, but with your door closed....
   I will be praying for wisdom about this issue - and will get back to you if I have any further thoughts.  And please feel free to write back to me too!!  Hang in there, sister!

       Love in Jesus,
             Susan M.  

p.s. Carmen, sorry about that thank you note -- I meant to just have an avenue to send you a p.s. -  but I see I can do that this way ...
You really need to tell someone about how your dad is treating you.  It could even be considered more sexual abuse than sexual harassment.    Is there an adult at your school that you could trust to 'go to bat' for you? Like a guidance counselor or teacher you look up to?
Know that authorities may be notified, and serious actions could be taken, such as being put in an environment considered safer for you...
Please write back!
Love, Susan