Expert: Susan Milillo - 3/23/2010

Question
I was born and raised catholic, and have no quarrels with my own faith.  I'm a leader in my youth group, well-studied and knowledgeable and am rather outspoken about my faith.  But that's the problem.  I live in southeast Texas, where southern baptists seem to be the majority.  Every once in a while other students will make bigotist, hateful comments about Catholicism, and my first urge is argue passionately and viciously for my faith as opposed to theirs.  However I fear that I am just stooping to their level, I win an argument that results in them feeling bad or embarrassed (and still harboring negative feelings against catholics.)  But i can't just ignore them or act ignorant. My question: how should I answer them without coming off as either pacifistic, unknowledgeable, or a spiteful bigot?

Answer
Dear Zac,

   While a Christian who does not practice Catholicism myself, I relate to your plight and feel annoyance at those who are being so spiteful and bigoted.    I'm glad you are grounded in what you believe, and hate and bigotry are never the way to win anyone over to any point of view.
   I'd say , instead of trying to argue your point, start by asking thoughtful questions of them - sincerely, kindly. For example, 'In your faith, what is the significance of . . . . . ?' Then ask more questions, because it is always good to learn more, even about a point of view with which you disagree.  Then gradually, ask questions like, 'If (such and such), then why (such and such - pointing out a seeming discrepancy in their logic or point of view) -- Again , just gently, suggesting ideas to them for them to take on their own, and at their own pace.  
   Lastly, if they do not seem open AT ALL, but just intent on bashing you, remember that verse where Jesus says, 'do not cast your pearls before pigs, lest they stomp on them then turn and tear you to pieces' ---  I think that when you feel you have something good to contribute but the other person is closed to hear and listen to what you have to say - whether through fear, or immaturity, etc., it's best just to keep 'planting seeds' here and there, and wait for a time when they are more open , to say anything really at all.

         I hope this has helped Zac !
Love in  Jesus,
Susan M.