Expert: Carl Fuglein - 4/6/2010

Question
QUESTION: dear sir,
few years back i had a bad sexual experience from a man.as i was  younger, i was much more innocent and didnt realize what he was doing to me was wrong,he met me 2 times, and the second time he came to my room and.........by God's grace i could somehow escape from the room. so i am a virgin both mentally and physically.i have not told this to anyone till now because in those days i didnt realize the seriousness.its only now i know what he did to me was really really wrong , so when i will get married should i say this to my partner? if so after/before marriage?pls give me some advice on this .thanks in advance

ANSWER: Leja-

What you are talking about, I think, is sexual battery and at least, statutory rape.  My advice is full disclosure, but I'm not an expert.  I believe you should seek a therapist's help, one with experience in sexual battery and rape.   You need to reconcile the issues, eg.g., you're not at fault;  you need to forgive him (even if he doesn't accpet it), etc, etc.  You need to get healthy before you pursue a sexual relationship, even if you are a virging mentally and physically - you obviously think there may be some issues clouding those lines else you wouldn't have contacted me.

Bottom line, you need more help than I can give you.  I am not a certified therapist., and I really think that's what you need.

blessings,

carl


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: sir,
as i can't contact any therapist i am asking this follow up.sorry to disturb.more specifically saying he was a protestant priest even belonging to the same sub division of ours .all he did to me was touching intimate parts and french kissing,which made me doubt his intentions and finally run away ,now i realize that he might have raped me if i had stayed there a minute more.once again i was innocent so should i disclose it.detailed ans pls

Answer
Leja-

I just realized that you are in India, which changes my advice.  I don't think you should tell your husband anything, just keep this as a secret forever. In India, if you were to say anything about the molestation, most likely you would be blamed.  Know in you heart that it was not your fault, that God loves you, and that you should go forth and get married with no gult on your heart.

I hope this helps.