Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 6/4/2010

Question
Hello!
So I am letting out my heart right now...This is soo hard for me but I knew I had to sometime.

I am 15, and here are some of my problems...

I am a strong Christian. No matter what, I will not change. I really don't want to go into that and everything but I am. Here is the problem, I am feeling having feelings for guys. (Which I am) But someone I highly respect said this- "I think a lot of different reasons. (That people are gay) I believe a lot of people that are gay, had even had problems like I had in the past. I think they've been hurt by somebody from the opposite sex, and they don't know how to function right in those relationships.
When you're hurt very badly in your childhood, the area that it has the greatest effect on is relationships. Once you feel like you can't trust people, once you feel like that they don't care about you, that they're really not going to take care of you, it gets very difficult in relationships. And you know, I've been so mistreated by male authority in my life that I had a terrible time in my marriage trying to be a submissive wife, you know. I mean, I wanted to rule the roost in everything. And it wasn't even really that I was rebellious; I was afraid of being hurt. And I think that a lot of people that choose these alternative lifestyles, I think it's because they've been hurt somewhere along the line very badly."

I have been emotional abuse by my mom and sometimes still am.

Two years ago there was this guy named Ryan and I wanted to be his friend so bad. He was my idol. He never really returned anything to me. I tried and I tried. I went anorexic and lots of horrible stuff happened. I was a mess. But still he did not really pay much attention to me. I think that is where it  started maybe.

Also, I look at guys and I just love there body. The way they stand, square, tall, balanced and powerful.

Girls on the other hand I just don't have that much connection with...I am the nice guy to girls and the charming guy to other guys. In the bible it says:

"...Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion..."

I have strong feeling for some guys and for girls they make great friends. Please help me...

Answer
Hi Nathan,

THanks for this great question.  I am so sorry for what you are going through.  You are actually on the right track with a lot of our thinking.  You seem to realize that this desire is not of GOd.  As teens get used to their bodies, a lot of carnal and sinful desires awaken. We get into trouble when whe act on them.  These twisted thoughts enter our minds, but they become enslaving if you ever act on them or even dwell on them.

John 8:34
34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you,  Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Whatever you do, do not fan the flame of these dark passions by experimenting sexually or viewing pornography, just to see if you are "gay".  Remember no one is born gay!  People become enslaved to this perverse behavior when they surrender to these desires.

I strongly advise you to share what you are going through with your pastor or youth pastor, which ever one you can trust.  I beleive that you are right about there being an issue with your mother.... your pastor or youth pastor can help you sort that out.  You don't have to fight this battle alone.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don