Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 1/22/2011

Question
QUESTION: I'm 1 y.o in Christ.. B4 i got baptized, I started thinking a lot about my Christianity... questioning stuff.. an trying to grow. a hard a big change; i moved, got trouble getting into college.. an was generally home sick. As time passed i slowly went away from all tht I had done. (i had a boyfriend 2, an although I was headstrong on no sex.. I still contradicted stuff..) my gut feeling about him later on proved me right an we were over. I then began to realize what I had done.... and I sent it to try to  change... again. But it was harder this time. I grew lazy, .. a fantasize, a 'nasty-thinker' .. thinking a lot about sex..not masturbating or anything.. just using my mind to stimulate myself.. i started thinking of self gratification, and kind like having this 'every one against me' kinda thinking. and the whole world watching me so to speak... as if tht was bad enough i started questioning myself.. I dont feel like I love God,.. i could say I love my mom.. but i cant say the same for God... I felt like i was a fraud when I prayer.. i would say somethingan 2 secs after a countering thought would appear in my head. I think of things tht are just WRONG. i tell myself.. for u to love some1 u spend time with them an it grows into love.. so i should seek God. I read my bible... dont understand 85% but i read... i pray... and i talk to him like he an i chilling out. but thts not diff to wht ive been doin since b4 all this happened. So im feeling like a born-again christian bound to do the things as a child.. I dont even no what ? to ask.. but any thoughts on this. .cuz as u could imagine.. my thoughts aren't any good

ANSWER: Hi Ashley,

Thank you for this very honest and open question.  I am so sorry for what you are going through.  You are experiencing a war between your flesh and the Spirit.  This is normal and natural for believers.

Galatians 5:17 (AV)
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.


Now you have started to fantasize.  This is wrong even if you do not masturbate.

Matthew 5:27–30 (AV)
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. 30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.


Here is why it is bad.... lusts, once awakened, war against your soul.

1 Peter 2:11 (AV)
11 Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;


This is what you are now experiencing.  You have lost your desire to be e with God and your confidence before God because these lusts are attacking your soul.  The good news is that your salvation is still as safe as when you first believed.  Even when our heart condemns us, God still remembers when you trusted Him to save you.

1 John 3:20 (AV)
20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.


You need to fight this fight every day.  Some days you will have victory, some days you will fall, but God forgives, get back up and serve Him again.  The Devil cannot take your salvation, he can only accuse you to your conscience and make you FEEL unsaved.  Memorize scripture and quote it when you are attacked.

Get back to church and stay in the word.  I hope that this gives you a place to start.

I will be praying for you.

In Christ
Pastor Don

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Wow Thanks a lot, I guess I never thought of certain things tht way.. esp the fantasizing, dont get me wrong I knew it was wrong but didnt look at the measure of it. I realise tht about myself, that I try to compromise to keep myself halfway in the flesh and spirit.
But im guessing now tht I see it in a more 'drastic' light, itll further encourage me to get it right.  i'll try the memorizing when I feel tht need to fantasize.
Do you think the feeling I'm feeling about not loving God is based on the fact tht I just, in a sense, lost my way?
Or maybe that I did indeed not have that live for him, or maybe my reason for loving him wasnt the right one in the first place. As I was questioning in my mind the other day. People who have had some sort of heart breaking testimony, they have this constant reminder you know or an these genuine feelings. Unlike me, Ive had stuff yes, but it wont compare to theirs.  Ive been telling myself,
  "whats wrong with you? after all he did for you..is it that you need something massive to happen to love him. Home could you be so  unappreciative?"
But then again im thinkin whether or not I felt that way prior to my baptism.. I dont think I did.

Is this jus the Devil smartly twisting my judgement here and making me feel condemned... or is it that im missing something?

Answer
Hi Ashley,

Thanks for this great question.  Yes, the Devil is known as the Accuser... he just wants you to FEEL like you are apart from God or perhaps not even saved, but he can do nothing to actually seperate you from God's love.

Revelation 12:9–10 (AV)
9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. 10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.


Romans 8:38–39 (AV)
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


John 10:27–30 (AV)
27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: 28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand. 30 I and my Father are one.


Sometimes you do not FEEL as saved as you did because the Holy Spirit inide you is grieved because of sin you commit.... confess it and move on.

Ephesians 4:30 (AV)
30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.


David sinned greatly and lost the joy of his salvation, but asked to have it restored once he confessed his sin.

Psalm 51:12 (AV)
12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.


I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don