Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 1/24/2011

Question
Hi, i am 17 years old, there is this girl i have been having feelings for, i think she has feelings for me too cause we spend sometime together and also find ourselves starring at each other eyes numerous times and i think there is a chemistry between us, but there is a problem here, SHE IS MY PASTOR'S DAUGHTER, i attend a local african church where things like these are not taking lightly, i mean just a couple of years back, some youths almost got in trouble in my church for this same 'boyfriend & girlfriend issue', but i really love her, there is no sunday service that passes without looking into her eyes and seeing this desire for me, but each time i  try telling her i keep thinking about what her parent(THE PASTOR) or even the elders would do if  they found out, the shame might be unbearable, Plus, we only get to see each other in the church, and i don't think the church is a place where one can confess love to a girl.
I deeply love her and even think about spending the rest of my life with her but i am confused, i need your advise; should i ignore the odds & tell her or should i keep my feelings to myself?

Answer
Hi Michael,

Thanks for this great question.  Even pastor's daughters eventually date and get married.  I am a pastor and I have 3 daughters.  2 of them are in serious relationships.  Here are some things that can help your case.  

1.  In some cultures it is best to talk to the dad first before even trying to date his daughter.  Since he is your pastor too... this should help.  Go to him privately and tell him you really like his daughter and you would like to try to date her, but only with his permission first.  Do not go to her until he grants you permission.  He does not... then take it from God that it is not meant to be right now.

2.  If you do date her, do everything out in the open so that it can never be said that you ever did anything inappropriate.  NEVER date alone... and do not touch until marriage.,.. If you follow this God will honor you.

1 Corinthians 7:1–2 (AV)
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.


I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don