Expert: Carl Fuglein - 1/9/2011

Question
I'm a junior in high school and i just turned 17.My life is so hard right now. I know we have challenges in life that are made to bring us closer to God and stronger In our faith. God has blessed me with so many gifts, beauty, athletics, my brothers and somethings I haven't discover yet. But recently I feel like I have to many problems for for me to handle any of them. The main reason why I am struggling so much is because my older brother and his friends do really bad things. I know they smoke and sell drugs, party, get in fights with other groups all the time. But I also know my brother cares alot about me. He is extremely overprotective. Especially when it comes with guys, not to big headed but i know im pretty. Well there was this guy that my brother used to be good friends with. we have been on and off with since jr. High, he's been kicked out of school 3 times (twice in jr. High and soph. Year). My brother was ok with us dating. We are both virgins and never went to far. But him and my brother got in a huge fight back on october and they hate each other I care about them both. They got into a huge fight cause he stole 8grams from my brother. They are both seniors and I'm a junior, so they are not that much older than me. But sometimes they treat me like I don't understand what's really going on like I'm not old enough to understand. They've already got into fights and I'm scared they might do something Even worse. My brother tells me to stay away from the guy ive been with, but I'm to close. I hate to say im in love with him but i do care for him.  Were not dating right now but he still likes me. Ive been so confused i dont know whether to be with him or not. Lately hes been taking alot of drugs, he is a good person but he's lost. I've talked to him about God, and he believes in him. He is Christian he was raised evangelical, and his dad is a pastor. Since christmas break things are so critical between my brother and him that they fought almost everyday this week. It feels ok when I'm together with him but when I'm home I feel so guilty.  I heard my brother even say that he might just kill him. I'm afraid he might! My brother can easily get a gun, so can the boy I've been on and off with. I'm in this huge crossfire. Everyone at school knows what's going on but they all encourage it. I feel like the only person trying to stop it. I talk to my best friend about it (she is a Christian) and she helps me alot but there is not much advice she can give about something like this. And both my parents are deceased, my mom committed suicide when i was very young she had a mental disorder and my dad died 3 years ago in a car accident. We've been living with my oldest brother who is 27. But he works so much and he's not a Christian.  I never really had a mom so lately I've been really depressed about it, almost like God cheated me out. Which I know is completely wrong to feel like that. But thoughts like that come to my mind. In school it's getting even tougher I don't think I can keep up my grades I usually have at least a 3.8. I've also been on varsity track since freshmen year and I have 5 league titles because of it. But I'm stressing so much that I can't focus on it and season is coming up. My coach is so ignorant. I've only been missing a few practices, and when I try to explain that I have personal problems he doesn't care. He always tells me something like show up or don't at all! And it's only preseason. I don't care for any sympathy but at least he could be somewhat understanding. Some days I feel like quitting I know that the team needs me in order to win league. But running is something I'm really good at and I just can't quit. My life feels like it can not get any worst right now. I have been reading the bible and it is giving me strength. I haven't been going to church regularly since my dad died, once in a while I  go with my best friend. I feel like something bad is going to happen. I dont understand why this is all happening. What can I do? 

Answer
Rachel-

You are in a really tough position, and I'm not sure I'm in a position to counsel you effectively, but I will make a few comments on your situation.

1)  Find a mentor, preferably female, a lady about your mom's age, or perhaps a little younger.  This could be a favorite teacher, a counseelor at school, a youth minister, your paster.  You need a positive influence in your life - it sounds like you have no parental influence, and you need some.

2)  Do NOT get in the middle of the feud between your brother and your friend - it can only lead to heartache.  Just stay away from both of them.

3)  Do NOT get involved in drugs and alcohol - this means both you personally, and any friend or boyfriend who does drugs and alcohol.  Trust me, it will lead to heartache - you are not going to change these people, don't even try.

4) Don't give up on sports - do the best you can.

5)  Make every effort to go to church regularly.

6)  Keep your grades up - this is the key to making something of your life - finish high school and make every effort to go to college.

7)  Pray for every person involved in your situation.

Jeremiah 29:11 says (God speaking):  I know the plans I have for you.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.

I know things are tough for you,  Hold on to the fact that God indeed loves you and has plans for you.  Please write me again in a month and let me know how you're doing.


blessings,
Carl