Expert: Carl Fuglein - 10/6/2011

Question
Hello, I'm 14 an a girl. Anyways, I saw the other post about BDSM, though that person was older, so I decided to ask a question. Here goes: since I was about 12, after I read about sexual activity in a magazine, I have been interest in BDSM. I know it's bad and that I shouldn't be 'into' it but everytime I try and stop thinking about it I only last about 3 days. I read stories and stuff which I know is not right and basically against the law. But I don't know what to do, I know I'm addicted because it's like I need a daily hit. I think about t constantly. Obviously no one around me has any idea and idont really think I prepared to talk to anyone. I do go to church and youth groups but I'm not really close to anyone there because I'm so shy I don't know whether this contributes to the fact that I basically rely on the Internet as a companion. I don't have a best friend who I can tell my secerets to and I don't really talk to my parents. Not that they aren't supportive or anything I just don't like talking to people. Though I do have many and a wide range of friends at school. Im sorry this is such a long message it's just that I've never really said any of this to anyone before. So, all of this has made me distant from god and I feel so guilty obviously a way of telling me that I know IM doing the wrong thing but IM ignoring it. Please can you give some advice about what to do? thanks alot for your help :)

Answer
Hi Kate-

thanks for writing.  I'm proud of you - it was very brave of you to do.  You say you're shy, yet you wrote to me.  I'm glad you did, but I think you probably need more help than I can give you.  You most likely need to talk to a therapist to determine why you like what you do.  It IS an addiction, and it normally takes a lot of work to break.  I think you need to try to talk first to your parents and tell them you have a problem, what it is, and that you think you'd like to talk to a therapist.  If you cannot bring yourself to talk to your parents, it's important to find someone to talk to, whether a teacher, counselor at school, youth leader or pastor.  Be prepared, because all of those folks by law will have to tell your parents.  Hopefully, they will accompany you to go talk to your parents.  This is a serious thing, and you need to talk to someone.

You may feel distant from God, but if you turn around, God is still there, right behind you.  He has already forgiven you and wants you to break this addiction.

I pray this helps.  I will pray for you and check back with you in a month.

Blessings,

Carl