Expert: Brenda Martin - 11/30/2011

Question
Hi, I'm a 17 year old Girl from the UK and i'm in need of guidance.
I've recently regained contact with a guy I've known since I was 14. We aren't in a relationship due to the fact that we live so far away from eachother. I really like him, we talk everyday for hours and we are planning to meet up soon. However, I've been having sexual thoughts about him and I'm scared to lose control over my actions and fornicate,  He's also a Christian and although he isn't a virgin he is willing to wait till marriage for me, but I'm scared ill give into temptation. What should I do?

Answer
Date in a group, or at least take a friend with you like a chaperone. Avoid risky settings, such as being alone in a parked car or in a house or an apartment.

a dating couple must exercise extreme caution. Kissing, embracing, or doing anything that causes arousal can lead to sexual misconduct. It’s all too easy, even for a couple with honorable intentions, to get carried away and engage in sexual immorality.—Colossians 3:5.

Furthermore, the Bible condemns more than just fornication. The apostle Paul wrote: “The works of the flesh are manifest, and they are fornication, uncleanness, loose conduct.” He added: “Those who practice such things will not inherit God’s kingdom.”—Galatians 5:19-21.

What is “uncleanness”? The Greek word covers impurity of any kind, in speech or action. Surely it would be unclean to allow one’s hands to stray under another person’s clothing, to remove another’s clothing, or to caress another’s intimate areas.—Proverbs 5:18, 19.

When a boy pressures a girl into violating her Christian training and conscience, he breaks God’s law and undermines any claim that he genuinely loves her. Furthermore, a girl who willingly gives in allows herself to be exploited. Worse yet, she has committed an unclean act—perhaps even fornication.—1 Corinthians 6:9, 10.

Set Clear Boundaries

If you’re dating, how can you avoid inappropriate displays of affection? The wise course is to set clear boundaries in advance. Proverbs 13:10 says: “With those consulting together there is wisdom.” So discuss with your partner what expressions of affection are appropriate. Waiting until you’re in some emotion-charged romantic setting before establishing ground rules is like waiting until your house is on fire before installing an alarm.

Granted, such a sensitive discussion can be difficult—even embarrassing—especially in the early stages of courtship. But establishing boundaries can do much to prevent serious problems from developing later on. Wise boundaries can be like smoke detectors that sound an alarm at the first hint of fire. Furthermore, your ability to communicate in these matters may also serve as an indicator of how much potential the relationship has. In fact, self-control, patience, and unselfishness are the foundation of a satisfying sexual relationship in marriage.—1 Corinthians 7:3, 4.

True, holding to godly standards isn’t easy. But you can trust Jehovah’s advice. After all, at Isaiah 48:17, he describes himself as “the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk.” Jehovah has your best interests at heart!

this scriptual advice can be found in a book called "QUESTIONS YOUNG PEOPLE ASK, ANSWERS THAT WORK"

You can read it online at www.watchtower.org

all the best
Brenda