Expert: Carl Fuglein - 12/2/2011

Question
Hello Mr. Fuglein,

Please forgive the length of the long "question" below, but it is a serious issue that I could really use some guidance on.

I have called myself saved, but I have been calling that into question. Today specifically I read the verse in Luke where Jesus says, "Depart from me, I never knew you." Then I read a sermon on how the gate is narrow and time is running out. It will soon be to late. That got started in me this deep, doubtful fear for my salvation. On the great and final day, I really DON'T want to be a goat.

When I was 4 I heeded one of those altar calls. I remember a strong urging inside to go forward and then I felt a great presence after. I didn't go to please my parents or friends because neither were there that day.

However the years following that were a war. I wanted to live my life my way - I wanted God to stay out of it. However He had other ideas. I could banish God-related things from my mind for a time but it would always come back against my will. Who will you trust when things get rough in life? Where will you go when you die? You know God is real and you know life is finite, why do you focus on the finite when it is eternity that matters?

These questions bugged me. I would run to God for a brief time, re-pray the sinner's prayer, stay with him for a few days or hours and then return to doing it my way.

Yet here I am at eighteen. My family has fallen upon hard times and I have had no choice but to fall back on the One who was on this earth in the flesh 2,000 years ago and understands what I am going through. I have relied on others people's faith but now I must have my own. I need to rely on God - not on the words of other Christians.

So I have gotten back into the Word. I have been listening to a Bible study everyday. I have been praying (usually in repentance when what I think is the Holy Spirit highlights a certain sin in my life). I'm not sure how I got here, but here I am. It's different this time to. I have stuck with it for weeks instead of days and even when I want to go off and do something else, here I come back to the Word again.

But I feel so confused. On one hand, I really do think I am saved. On the other, I wonder if it all just head knowledge. I am riddled with doubt. On everything. Did he really speak to me or was that my own thoughts? Is the Holy Spirit really inside me or is this not the real deal? Do I really love God or is it just me doing my duty? If I really have faith why I am still worrying about stuff so much and not trusting God fully to take care of it in His timing? Am I really growing spiritually or am I just lukewarm? Did I really repent of sin X today? On and on the doubt train goes.

Let me explain why I think I might be saved. First of all, I know Jesus is the only way to the Father. His shed blood is the only payment for my sins that makes me right with God. I know my own efforts are futile. Actually, the very thought of a works based salvation makes me want to laugh sarcastically. I have watched porn in the past, and I have had fits of rage. I have wanted to murder people. My favorite topic is me at the expense of others. I am not a good person. No "good works" can fix any of that. No Holy God would accept such tainted efforts! The Lord reached down to us, and it is up to us on whether we accept Him and what He did and make Him Lord of our lives. His grace, and faith in Him, is the only way.

Also I just know that God is the only true God. I know that Jesus is his Son. I know that the Holy Spirit testifies the truth of God and acts as a teacher. I know that the size of God's love for me is greater than the size of this universe. Why he would love a wretch like me (sorry if that seems to dramatic, but its accurate) I don't know, but he does. His grace is to great for my understanding. To me these are not just facts on paper, these are active, living realities. The God of the Bible exists - and then some!

And finally, I think I am seeing some fruit in my life. To fear the LORD is to hate evil, right? Well I look at this world in which we live and it makes me distressed, and depressed, more so than before I started reading the Word. I look at what mainstream American culture labels right and I just KNOW it is wrong. I look at the way people compromise the truth, the righteousness of God and it BOTHERS ME. It even makes me want to grieve if I dwell on it to long.

However I go through spells (like currently) of doubting my salvation. Am I really committed to the Lord? I still have anger problems, I still lie, I still love myself more than others, I still have fear and worry about a lot of things, I still have a bad attitude about getting up earlier for church, I still have fear about sharing the Gospel because I want to be liked, I still gossip and complain, blah blah blah.

I am worried that maybe a real heart change has not taken place. Why is all of this sin still here? Why am I still going through such doubt if I really am saved? I am worried that maybe my flesh hasn't really been crucified. I'm worried that I'm not growing after all, that maybe my faith isn't so "faithy". I'm scared that I'll be among those  who thought they were saved but found out to late that Jesus did not know them.

I can't take it anymore, The question of eternity is just to important. I need to have assurance of my spiritual state. I wish I had that peace that Jesus gives but that the world does not.

I know only God knows the heart and no man can declare with confidence who is and who is not saved. However, if you were in my position, would you pray for God to work in your life more and to remove the doubt and fear (which is sin) or would you conclude that you were never really saved and it would be best to just start over again?

Thanks,
Tressa

Answer
Tressa-

First off, please call me Carl or Mr. Carl.  Mr. Fuglein is my father, and he's deceased.  I'm very casual.

I'll forgive your long question, if you'll forgive my short answer.  I hope that what you've written was cathartic.  It sounds like it should have.  What you have written is an analysis of what Paul wrote in Romans 7:

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Romans 7:14-25(The Message)
14I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison.   15What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.   16So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

 17But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!   18I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it.   19I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.   20My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 21It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.   22I truly delight in God’s commands,   23but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

 24I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

 25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

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We ALL go through the struggles you're having.  We ALL fall short.  But thank God, we're forgiven anyway.  Some people can tell you the second, minute, hour, day, and year that they became "saved".  I can't.  I can't even tell you the decade.  I've gone through all those struggles you have and more - I'm old enough to be your grandfather.  Some days, I doubt if I've done enough.  Other days, not so much.  But deep down inside, I KNOW I'm saved.

Tressa, your letter shows a lot of maturity that few Christians have.  You don't have a thing to worry about.  You're trying, God knows your heart, and He's pleased that you're doing the best you can.  Thank God, Jesus has died for all our sins.

Hope this helps.  Write again if you need more.

Please take the time to rate my answer.

Blessings,
Carl