Expert: Carl Fuglein - 3/27/2011

Question
QUESTION: Is this weird?  The other day we have a special service for our church.  We come home, me (I'm 17) my sister, Abby (12) and my parents.  We were having my parents' friends come over for coffee.  I go into my room to change, but my sister wants to as well so I let her go first.  I was standing outside my room waiting for my sister to quickly change her clothes.  In the past year she has complained about privacy so I let her change alone now.  My parents room is kiddy corner to mine and the door was open just a bit.  I looked in and saw my dad naked. My mom was downstairs at the time.   I think he knew I was there but maybe he didn't know I could see him.  Anyways, I looked away not really wanting to see my dad with no clothes on.  My sister opens the door and lets me in and she left.  I change my clothes and come out and go downstairs.  I asked my mom where Abby was because I couldn't find my shoes.  She wears my shoes sometimes.  My mom says she thinks she is upstairs, but I was just up there.  I go down to the basement and look for her then up in the living room again.  Finally I go back upstairs and yell her name.  The door opens from my parents room and Abby comes out with a big smile on her face kind of laughing.  I asked her what was so funny and she said "dad was tickling me."  I asked her where she put my shoes and she said she would get them.  As I go back into my room I look back in my parents room and saw my dad was still naked.  Then I noticed he had an erection too!  Eww! I go back into my room, Abby comes up and gives me my shoes and goes back into my parents room.  I see her close the door so I wonder what is going on. I listen outside the door and hear her giggling so I open the door.  My dad was on top of Abby on the ground tickling her.  He was still naked and his penis was right up to her face.  I didn't know what to do so I shut the door and went downstairs to help my mom.  About 5 minutes later dad and Abby come downstairs with big smiles on there faces.  Dad had clothes on now but Abby's hair was all messed up.  The rest of the night my dad had a big smile on his face and kept poking at Abby when he went by her.  I just wonder if maybe he shouldn't be tickling or wrestling her when he is naked. And what about him having an erection?  I would not want him to do that to me, but I am older, Abby is just 12.  Maybe I am overreacting by writing to you but I don't know. Also that was the first time I had seen my dad naked in years.  Should he be more careful?  This is embarrassing so I don't want anybody to know.

ANSWER: Cassy-

this is very serious.  It appears that your father may be abusing your sister.  Even if she is a willing participant, this is absolutely wrong.  A father should not be naked with a 12 year old daughter, especially with an erection.  The first place to address this, and I know it will be really difficult, is to tell your mom exactly what you told me.  It's possible that your mom already knows and may deny it.  Even if she doesn't know, she may not believe you, but you must be insistent that she has to go to your dad and confront him.  Your whole family may need therapy.  If your mom is unwilling or unable to confront your dad, your next step is to confront your dad yourself or tell an aunt or uncle if you have one, and if not, to tell your pastor.  As I said, this is very serious and may break up your family.  Ultimately, Child Services may have to be contacted, which will probably result in both you and your sister being removed from the home and placed into foster care.  I urge you to talk to your mom to get this to stop.

I will pray for you.  Please keep me posted.

Carl


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I did what you said to do and told my mom.  She asked my dad and sister and my sister said it only happened once and my dad is angry at me.  He says he never had an erection and then wondered why I was looking at him naked anyways.  I guess I can't be certain he had an erection, but it looked that way. Not real sure about all that, just know I seen my dad once a few years ago briefly and he didn't look as big as he did the other night.  He also said I was jealous of Abby.  I hope he gets over it. Abby told my mom dad was naked but he didn't do anything out of the ordinary to her.  Thank you for your help.  Whatever happened I hope it has ended.

Answer
Cassy-

Thanks for getting back to me.  I'm sorry your dad is mad at you.  I'm proud of you for going to talk to your mother, that was a difficult thing to do.

If nothing is going on, then I'd just forget about it.  Your dad will eventually get unmad.


blessings,
carl