Expert: Carl Fuglein - 5/31/2011

Question
Hello pastor I just switched churches because I was very hurt by the church members I was gossiped about I went to ask for help from the decons to the pastor no one did not help I prayed to god he answer my prayer I found another church that welcomed me with opened arms but the debate is going on the former pastor wants me to go back I know he's church has no encouragement no love for his flock this is what I discovered he is the shepard we are the sheep this is what I felt he let the one sheep being me being attacked by the pack of wolves this was me I was in so much pain. The question I am asking how do I put this all behind me? Cuz I do miss some of them members there but it's to discourging to be at my former church I think the pastor cares more about himself then it's members so another question how can I tell the pastor if u had any compassion for me why did u fail to do ur job? Thank so much pastor I been searching for answers I love my lord with all my heart I just need some advice also did I do the right thing switching churches?

Answer
Selina-

First of all, I am NOT a pastor, just a lay person.

I'm sorry for all the trouble you've been through - no one deserves that.

There is a Biblical solution for when someone hurts you - it's found in Matthew 18.  It's your choice whether you want to follow it or just forget now that you've changed churches.  It will probably be a very painful process for you, or it could be the solution you want if you're able to resolve it.

Read Matthew 18.  The process is this - if you have a conflict with someone (I'd start with your old pastor), go to him and tell him what the problem is.  If you cannot resolve the issue to your satisfaction, one on one, the Bible says to go to one or two leaders of the church.  Since he IS the leader, and since the deacons didn't help you either, I would suggest going next to the District Superintendant, and see if he helps.  If HE doesn't help, your only other option would be to go to the Bishop, but I doubt that would happen.  I think the DS would work towards reconciliation.

Leaving your former church was both a good and bad idea.  Good, because it causes you less pain, but bad because you didn't resolve the pain.  Any counselor would tell you that resolution of an issue is better than running away from it.  But I totally understand, I've run away a couple times myself from conflict because it just wasn't worth it.  This is the decision you have to make, and I would ask for help from your current pastor or a counselor, preferably a Christian Counselor.

I hope this helps,

Blessings,

Carl