Expert: Carl Fuglein - 7/28/2011

Question
Umm... Hi Pastor , I'm Haley.I I have a few questions, but they aren't really related to each other. I'm 15, and I'm a little confused about my faith and other things pertaining to it. I'm rather shy, and I don't speak very much, but I think I honestly try to be at the very least nice to everyone, or give them the benefit of the doubt. I second-guess myself a lot, and , sometimes, it seems like the "back of my head" tells me that I'm a bad person. I didn't want to talk about this to people I know because I'm worried what they'll think, but I'm pretty sure I have some form of mental issue (like anxiety disorder, because I don't really like being around 'people' in general and I'm terrible in social situations or some mild form of a Schizotypal disorder (someone in my family has Schizophrenia , but what I feel isn't as... advanced, I guess, as that ), or, I hope and pray that I'm not, that I'm crazy and I know you may not be able to help me with that.   I'm sorry in advance, this may be pretty long.

I guess I should give some back ground, so I'm from a family of Baptist Christians, and ever since I was little I've been surrounded by God, the Bible, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

First, let me start by saying that my family isn't a bad family, in fact their pretty awesome. When I was younger we sporadically went to church, but now my Mom goes to church pretty regularly. I don't like talking to my family about things like this because I've always been afraid that they would kind of abandon me.

I've never been the most spiritual person, at least not in my family ( though if religion comes up I try my best to defend it in School ) . I guess the best way to explain my problem is that it seems like I'm outside of everyone else because I don't believe as strongly as they do. I've been told by another Christian that I'm trying to be my own God.

I don't go to church frequently ( hardly at all, actually), and others have asked me and told me to go to Church, or have just kind of elbow-nudged me ( if that makes any sense)  toward going to church but I don't want to, and I don't really feel comfortable there. I know they mean well, but I just don't want to go.
That may be selfish of me, we're supposed to at least give God Sunday, right?

I don't think I'm an atheist, because I do believe in God, and Jesus,and the Holy Spirit. But I sometimes have these moments when I kind of have an out of body moment and think 'What if This isn't real' and or "What if I don't really believe".

I don't believe like they do, and I know from reading other posts that there is only one true belief system, or one true way to believe in God, and I'm afraid that I'm not believing correctly. I'm constantly afraid that I'm doing something wrong by reading this, or writing that, or thinking this, or believing that, and I'm just confused. I keep thinking that the things I like ( TV Shows, Anime, Manga, stuff like that) is sinful, but I don't want to give everything up. Then that leads into even more guilt because God is supposed to be put first, and we're supposed to tithe , right?

I've never really read the Bible, so I know that's probably one reason I'm so confused; I've never read it myself, just everyone else's interpretations.

I've also been wondering about homosexuality and Bisexuality. I'm heterosexual, and I'm not homophobic , but I was wondering if its against Christianity if they honestly love each other.

I know why we suffer, but I don't understand why good people suffer , like if they have earthquakes and stuff, and rape ( I never have been and I pray that that doesn't happen to me or to other people) ,
I haven't really been masturbating as much as I used to, but I'm still worried about that too.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just a sinner that's going to Hell (due to fear of doing everything sinfully), and I hate that feeling, but I don't know what to do about it.
I pray to God for forgiveness a lot ( in fact, I think its mostly what I pray about)

So, essentially my questions are:

1.How do I know which is the True way to worship?
2.Why does it feel like Everything is sinful?
3. If I don't want to go to church, will I go to Hell?
4.Am I a bad Christian if I don't go to  church?
5.Is homo/bi-sexuality wrong?
6.Is masturbation wrong?
7.Why does God allow good people to suffer?
8. My family believe in predestination (If I'm not mistaken its in the bible as well?) How do we know that we are destined to go to Heaven or Hell?
9. I've read somewhere else that we are just physically bodies and not spirits so Hell is being buried and not returning when God's paradise is made, so what the Bible means by eternal life is us living forever in our bodies, and being bright back from the dead if we died before that happened. I believe we have souls that live on , and that are cased in our bodies so I was confused about this.
10. Am I a bad christian ( or even person)  if I don't consider everyone who calls me a friend a friend? Or if I find them annoying?

lol I think that's all of my questions at the moment, I'm sorry it was so long, I tend to think through things too much so I write a lot so I can make sure I explain myself well enough. I also apologize because I feel like I've unloaded everything on you. I probably need a psychiatrist.

Answer
Hi Haley,

thanks for writing.  No, I don't think you need a psychiatrist, you just need someone to talk to. You're definitely not crazy - asking questions is a mature way to learn things. I hope I can help.  I'll answer your specific questions, and if you need more explanation or have other questions, please feel free to write again.

You probably need to get a teen study Bible to help you read the Bible.  It's hard to understand sometimes, but study Bibles help.  If you have an allowance and/or have your own money - try getting these 2 books - they will help you a lot.

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Bible-Study/dp/0028642740

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Spirituality-Teens/dp/002863926X/ref

Don't try to overthink things, either.  God wants you to believe in HIM, and He's on your side, seriously.  Please try to go to church with your mom, and join the youth group.  If you don't like your church, ask your mom if you can go to another.  The best way to believe more strongly is by asking questions and being with other Christians. That's what church is for, to help YOU.



1.How do I know which is the True way to worship?

There is no one way to worship God.  God accepts all kinds of worship, songs, praises, prayers, your service to others, your love of others.  All are forms of worship.  God isn't choosy, just so long as you're worshipping Him, and Him alone.


2.Why does it feel like Everything is sinful?

Because a lot of stuff is sinful.  That's just Satan trying to take you away from God.  As humans, we all sin, a lot.  We just need to try hard, ask for God's forgiveness, and try again to not sin.


3. If I don't want to go to church, will I go to Hell?
4.Am I a bad Christian if I don't go to  church?

You're not going to go to Hell just because you don't go to church.  I think God wants you to go to church, and I think you'll be a better Christian if you DO go to church, but I know somedays, you just don't feel like it.  Happens to me, too.  Just give it a chance and go.


5.Is homo/bi-sexuality wrong?

Yes and no.  Great answer, huh.  Probably confusing.  It's confusing to me, too.  The Bible is clear that practicing homosexual acts is a sin.  If you have feelings towards someone of the same sex, but do not act upon it, and do not have sex with that person (sex being defined as any genital contact), you're not really sinning.  Therefore, I believe that God loves all people, and God makes all people.  Some people are homosexual, and they may have a tough time dealing with that and give in to temptation and have sex.  That's the tough part that confuses me, too.  Why would God make anyone to want to have sex with someone of the same sex?  I don't know.

Short answer - it is okay and not a sin to BE homosexual, but it is NOT okay to have homosexual sex.


6.Is masturbation wrong?

No one knows for sure.  Masturbation is not directly mentioned in the Bible, so we don't really know how God feels about it.  Some of the activities that normally go with masturbation, however, like lust, and pornography, ARE wrong, which in turn probably makes masturbation wrong.  Books have been written about this subject.  My feeling is that as long as it does not become an obsession, it's probably okay once in a while.


7.Why does God allow good people to suffer?

Books have been written about this, too.  Read the book of Job in the Bible.  God allows Satan to take away everything Job has - his family, his possessions.  Yet Job will not curse God.  And all of it is given back to Him.  God set the world in motion, and sometimes bad things happen to good people.  But if we believe that we are spiritual beings  temporarily inhabiting a physical body, we'll make it through this and ultimately be with God without suffering.  This is a very mature question to ask, and the topic has been and will be debated for ages to come.


8. My family believe in predestination (If I'm not mistaken its in the bible as well?) How do we know that we are destined to go to Heaven or Hell?

there are arguments for and against predestination in the Bible.  Mostly Presbyterians believe in it.  I don't believe in it myself.  I believe that if you ask God for forgiveness, acknowledge Him as Lord of your life, believe that Jesus died to pay for your sins, that you'll be with Him in heaven.



9. I've read somewhere else that we are just physically bodies and not spirits so Hell is being buried and not returning when God's paradise is made, so what the Bible means by eternal life is us living forever in our bodies, and being bright back from the dead if we died before that happened. I believe we have souls that live on , and that are cased in our bodies so I was confused about this.

I believe I gave you my answer to this in #7.  I believe our spirits will live on.  I believe that Hell is merely separation from God.  If someone does not believe in God when they die, nothing will happen to them.  We, because we believe, will live on in Heaven with God.


10. Am I a bad christian ( or even person)  if I don't consider everyone who calls me a friend a friend? Or if I find them annoying?

I've been married to my wife for 42 years.  Sometimes shes annoying.  Sometimes I'm annoying, too.  But she's always my best friend, annoying or not.  There's different levels of friendship.  I have over 300 "friends" on Facebook.  Some of them I've never even met in person, I've just chatted with them some on the Internet.  Are they all my bff's?  Surely not.  Some I wouldn't even tell a tiny secret because I don't know them well enough.  But I try to be friendly with everyone.  Just because someone calls you a friend doesn't necessarily mean that you're best buddies, so I think it's okay if you might not like them as much as they like you.  That wouldn't make you a bad Christian.  Try to get to know them better, and you might become better friends.


Haley, I like having conversations like this one and I appreciate your trusting me enough to ask about what you don't know.  Please feel free to ask more questions, and you probably ought to ask some of the other experts, too. I've talked with some of them, and I know that they will give you some different answers than me.  Bottom line is, growing up like you are now, includes making up your own mind about things.

Hugs,
Carl