Expert: Carl Fuglein - 8/20/2011

Question
I am stuck and need help, I have been dating my first serious boyfriend for a number of years, we both come from Christian backgrounds. I have not been practicing strictly as a christian but adhere to the majority of the rules applicable to christian morality and lifestyles. - I don't practice strictly as my soul does not feel ready!

my partner when I met him was similar in his stance to me, however now he is getting to a place where he may be looking to take things further and get baptised. This is very unnerving for me as I am not at that place in my life and may not be for years to come who knows?- I fear that I am going to ultimately loose him since we both want a future (marriage) but understand that unequally yoked individuals cannot marry, although I am by no means atheist! I am much closer to Christianity than not in terms of my views etc.

Would you end it now as I don't want to get hurt if baptism comes before we get married?, I would never ever dream of standing between a man and his faith. But I also don't want to spend more precious time if marriage is not a high possibility, nor do I want to influence my partner if that is his journey!? help me please? overtime my partner talks about baptism my heart takes a battering, although I support his spiritual walk, but it takes me one step closer to loosing him?

We have spoken at great lengths with each other about this, in theory he wishes to marry me, then baptize, however if the need, desire, readiness comes first then that will take precedence. I understand this but I feel held to ransom and like I'm waiting for my fate according to his readiness. Would you continue in this relationship although he is not completely ready at this stage to get baptized?

Also if my partner doesn't get baptized until after we get married(god willing)would you consider that getting married is workable if he gets baptized after marriage? considering I come from a Christian background anyhow. What problems if any do you foresee within the above circumstance.

p.s my partner and I are over 25, (I met him when I was 21)


Thank you and god bless you
from a heart that feels on a rollercoaster ride. :(

Answer
Hi Sharon-

I think that probably both of you need to answer this question:

Do you truly want to be married to each other?

If the answer is yes, then I think both of you need to start answering questions like how many kids, whose career comes first, where will we go to church, where will we live, how do we handle finances, etc, etc.  All the questions that a normal couple should pursue (but rarely do).  I think you could benefit from the guidance of a pastor or Christian counselor.  You both need to ask what is keeping you from expressing your faith through the act of baptism.  You claim to be a Christian, yet you really aren't a Christian until you proclaim your faith, even if only to God.  I don't think you've done that, and maybe your boyfriend has, or is ready to.  It's rare that a couple would be following exactly the same timeline on their spiritual journey, and that seems to be your case.

Should you end it now?  I don't think so, unless you think there's a possibility that you will never be baptized.  Then you need to ask if you will prevent your partner from following his faith, and taking your (future) children to church and schooling them in the faith.  My experience has been that if one person is a person of complete faith, and the other isn't, then there will be resentment and/or jealousy.  This is what unevenly yoked really means.

What's holding you back?  Perhaps you and your partner both should be taking classes in Christianity and joining the church, and learning more about spirituality.  The Alpha Course would be an excellent place to start:  http://uk.alpha.org/

I hope this info is useful.  Please take the time to rate my answer.

Blessings,
Carl