Expert: Carl Fuglein - 8/6/2011

Question
Hello Mr. Fuglien,
I have been a Christian all my life and I have tried to live a life pleasing to God although I will admit I have made many really bad mistakes, and have fallen short of what God wants. But I will get right to the point.

About a month and a half ago I was on my computer looking up a video tutorial. However it was not working and I was getting really annoyed. I then had a terrible thought…

“God get this working…even Satan get this working. I would sell my soul to get this working.” Immediately I got really scared at having that thought and I shut my eyes and told myself that the devil isn’t the way. That he only leads to death and damnation.

Ever since the thought has been ripping me to pieces, and I have since gone into a complete downward spiral. My thoughts drifted to dark places and I started having blasphemous thoughts about Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I spoke with many people about my problem (my pastor, my mom and brother, a pastoral counselor, etc.) and they told me I would be okay. That I didn’t sell my soul and that I need to just ask for forgiveness.

Thankfully I no longer have the blasphemous thoughts, and if they do show up they just come and go. Basically I just don’t focus on them anymore. I know they are wrong and I simply reject them.

But the fear of losing my soul has never left me. I am constantly fearful that I sold my soul away and that I can never go to Heaven now. I keep replaying that moment in my head asking “Why I thought that and did I mean it?” I have since been trying to live a more pleasing life to God, but I find myself wondering if it’s out of love for God or out of fear of going to hell.

In truth I am in knots over this. I ask the Lord for forgiveness every night.   I ask for forgiveness for thinking the thought. I ask for forgiveness if any part of me meant it and forgiveness if I did indeed sell my soul. But I don’t know if these prayers are good enough.

I guess my question is did I sell my soul? Is it actually possible to sell your soul, and if so can God forgive you? I was feeling better about until I read these Bible passages.

Then Jesus said to his disciples. “If anyone would come after me he must take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will find it. What good is a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:24-26

Ahab said to Elijah, “So you have found me, my enemy!” “I have found you because you sold yourself to do evil in the sight of the Lord.” 1 Kings 21:20

It just seems that right now fear has completely taken over my life. It seems that no matter how many people tell me I am okay I still fell scared. I even get paranoid that when people tell me I am okay they are merely saying it to make me feel better, but they actually look at me as a “dead man walking”.

Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated. God Bless. Oh and sorry for the long letter I just had to get it all out.

Answer
Alex-

First, I have to ask, why would you trust me when your pastor, your family, and your counselor all said you're okay?  I mean no offense by that, and I'm humbled that you would trust me enough to ask the question, but I still think you need to trust those closest to you.

No, you did NOT sell your soul.  Not even close.  And you've continued to ask for forgiveness.  Trust that God WILL and already HAS forgiven you for that incident.  We all have crises of faith once in a while.  Just go with it, know that you'll get through it, and you'll be a better person after it.

Is it possible to sell your soul?  I suppose so, if you just reject God out right, and say you're going to live a life of sin forever, and then do it.


I pray this helps.

Carl