Expert: Carl Fuglein - 8/10/2011

Question
Dear Mr. Fuglein,

This is a question that I really wonder about. I'm 13 by the way. So, since I've gotten a lot more interested in the values of us Christians, and I really liked one of your previous answers, I thought I would a go ahead and ask.

Say I have a crush on a boy at my school because he's good looking. I know I would never presue his interest because his values do not nearly match mine, but never the less I am sort of enjoying this fluttery feeling I get when I look at him or when he talks to me. The year books are hot off the presses and knowing I will likey not see that gorgeous face in person for a whole summer, I buy one. I snip out his picture and stuff in my wallet after throwing out a picture of my old crush, and in a private and boring moment I whip out the photo to get that "butterflies" feeling back. Satisfied, I store the photo away quickly untill I start to "miss" it again.

Well, I'm not dumb here, I know the year book doesnt have nude pictures or anything, but whether it's a wrist, tongue, ankle or face, wouldn't any picture that brings that kind of "addictive pleasure" be considered porn? I'm very curious, because I know many people includig myself have done this. Admiring apperance with a degree of attraction is lustfull most of the time too, which I think would make it sinful not matter if it was a paintig, picture or real life. And I can imagine if this use of a photo (looking at the face) is sinful, than it goes without saying than more provacative and sensual photos (like shirtless guys) is wrong as well.

So is glancing at at pretty face to satisfy desire, or peering lustfully at a bare chest or even a muscular but
clothed one sinful? And, if your were married, would these actions still be sinful if they were only of your husband?

Thanks :)

Answer
Danielle-

Okay, here's the deal.  At 13, I'd be very surprised if you DIDN'T feel "fluttery" at looking at a gorgeous guy.  It's wired into your DNA to "find a mate" and this feeling is part of the process.  You're going to get this feeling many times until you're married.

Our society is unfortunately obsessed with sex which was intended by God as a way to procreate the race.  Did God intend for sex to be enjoyable?  I think so.  But society has made sex into one thing, when the other was intended.  Society thinks that since sex is fun, let's just do it, all the time, with everyone.  Society is wrong.  God made it enjoyable so that we would do it, but also intended for us to have only one mate.  So, don't pay attention to all that media that is bombarding you with unrealistic images and thoughts and behaviors.  It's not what God wanted, in my opinion.

How do you keep your feelings in check?  Not easy to do.  God wanted you to feel 'fluttery', but only so you could find the best  mate for you.  Where does the normal feeling become lust?  Where does it cross the line into sinful behavior?  It's a difficult question to answer.  We're supposed to feel this lust so we can find a mate, but we're NOT supposed to lust until we're married.  It's a Catch-22 (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catch-22_(logic) for explanation of a Catch-22).  We can't lust until we get married, but we can't marry until we lust.  Does that make sense to you?  I can't really tell you where the line is, that changes that "fluttery" feeling from something okay to something that is sinful.

So, to answer your specific questions:

<So is glancing at at pretty face to satisfy desire, or peering lustfully at a bare chest or even a muscular but clothed one sinful?>

Only if it becomes an obsession and leads to sexual activity, lie watching porn on the Internet, masturbation, or even engaging in sex.  Watching the good looking guys is okay, but if it's all you do, and you start imagining how they'd look naked and imagining having sex with them is not.

<And, if your were married, would these actions still be sinful if they were only of your husband?>

Absolutely not.  Your desire should be for your husband, and none other.


As for buying a yearbook just for one photo, I think that's a little over the top.  I think you need to channel your energy elsewhere - you have plenty of time to find a mate before getting married.


Hugs,

Carl