Expert: Carl Fuglein - 9/24/2011

Question
I am sixteen and I find myself being drawn to bdsm. I am a masochist, an I enjoy being tied up and humiliated also. I have not have an abusive or traumatic childhood- and in fact, I can trace these feelings back to age 2 or 3, which is as far back as I can remember. Normal sexuality has no appeal for me.
Is this wrong? Should I aim to ignore or prevent these feelings? Should I steer away from falling in love with boys who are sadists?
Also, there is a girl who believe is a sadist, but she doesn't know it yet. Whenever we get together, she tends to pretend scenarios in which I am a prisoner, and seems to enjoy tying me up, although I have never asked her to or told her about my interests. Even so, I feel as if I may be encouraging it by going along with it. I don't want to steer her in the wrong direction. What should I do?

Answer
Kat-

I would consider seeing a therapist, talking to your youth leader, talking to your parents, or to a counselor at school about your feelings.  Normally, being tied up, tortured and humiliated is not very healthy and could be a sign of low self-esteem.  You're still young, but I think you need to try to find out why you feel the way you do.  I would not want to see you date a sadist who may take things much farther than you want.  Also, I would not encourage your girl friend to tie you up.  

And then again, there may be no issues with your self esteem.  But I think you need to explore further.

Hope this helps,

Carl