Christianity --Youth Issues/Obeying Your Parents/Divorce



I'm a 25 years old guy who had became a Christian since I was about in my late teens.. My parent got divorce in 2000-2001. My mother saw and slept with an another man while my father go out to work in the afternoon. My father have idea what was going on until about a few months later, I finally spill out the bean and told him. He was upset and kick her from the house.  Some time later, after the court was settle, my father has the rights to watch over me and my sister at that time. I was told that my mother was not allow to see us until I reach over 21 years old. Every since the divorce, I always have the burden that it was my fault it had happen but I tried to tell myself it wasn't. In 2003 or 4, my father was happy and married another woman, and so I (my sister had problems but that another story) lived under the roof of my father and step mother, until I moved out in 2009. Now this year, I'm started to going to college but I had to take the bus at the station to take me there. Every now and then, I saw my mother but it was to talk to her because the pain she caused. I told her I forgive her but I wants nothing to do with her.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32

But I always feel that burden in Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

I'm lost and confused, is it a sin to not start a relationship with my mother? My father also wants me, nothing to do with my mother. So I'm kinda trap in a box.  I just wants to do what right in the eyes of the Lord.  

I need your help

Ryan-  Sorry it's taken me so long to answer.

First off, you can have a relationship with both your mother and your father.  Neither one of them has any say in the matter.  Your father cannot tell you not to see your mother.  You're an adult, you can make your own decisions.  If you decide to see your mother, you don't even have to tell your father.  If he finds out and decides not to see you again, that's his loss.

You can decide not to see your mother, I guess that's your choice, but you'll regret it later. Is it a sin?  In a way. The 5th commandment tells you to honor your mother and father, and you should.  The 5th commandment trumps Ephesians in my view. It may be difficult to honor both of them, but it sounds like your father is making unreasonable demands.

I recommend you try to start a relationsip with your mother again.  Start slow, and let things happen.  You will regret it if you don't.


Christianity --Youth Issues

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Carl F.


I can answer questions from teens & young adults concerning their faith walk and on social issues which affect their lives. I can answer questions on sex, homosexuality, or drugs, and anything else that might be troubling you. After 30 years in youth ministry, nothing shocks me, and I promise to give straight answers to any and all questions. I can also answer questions from youth workers on problems they`re having with programming or with their groups.


I have been involved in youth and young adult ministries as a volunteer for over 35 years. I am currently a volunteer youth minister in a suburban UM church - I have a small group of 7th and 8th graders.

United Methodist Church, Chrysalis, Walk to Emmaus, Cursillo

Several training seminars, 9 years at National Youth Workers Convention, 1 year at Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry

Awards and Honors
Certified lay speaker for UM Church

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