Christianity --Youth Issues/Forgiveness in relationships ( Christian advice)
QUESTION: My question is as a Christian I am meant to forgive others for whatever wrong they have done; but I'm finding it really hard to put that into practice.
I am 20years old and he is 21years old. We have been together for about 8 years. We have been through a lot. I want to get married to him, he means a lot to me. During the years we have broken up and gotten back together. He has had 2 children with 2 different girls. This happened at the beginning of our relationship when he wasn't so serious about us.
I am a virgin and clearly he is not. Everytime we broke up he would be with someone else and so would I. In my life I have only been with 3 guys but because I want to stay a virgin until I get married, I would only go as far as kiss and hold hands with these guys. However, with him because he is not a virgin, when he was with other girls he would sleep with them.
Now I know I have no right to be angry with him because we were it together, but I can't help but feel betrayed and hurt. It doesn't help the fact the me and him would talk everyday and he would tell me he still loved me even though he would be with another person. For him to get that close with someone else is painful because I love him. And it hurts me even more to know that we would break up and he would decide to go as far as sleeping with another person, knowing that me and him have never been that close before.
We got back together last year but still I can't forgive him. Sometime I would kiss him and all I can see is him and someone else having sex. It just makes me feel sick and not stand the sight of him. A few weeks ago I broke up with him because I couldn't do this anymore. Love is not enough to keep us together.
I have forgive and forgotten a lot in our relationship. The children, the baby mamas, and some other girls he cheated on me with in the beginning of our relationship. I can't keep doing this. Everytime we break up, i don't want to keep wondering who he is sleeping with now.
Yesterday he called me and he said that he has not cheated on me with anyone since the last time (5 years ago). Also he said that I am the most important person in his life including his children and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. That is why none of that stuff will ever happen again.
I acknowledge the fact that he has always been honest with me and told me everything no matter how good or bad, and he has really been trying to gain my trust back. But I just can't forgive him. I really want to but I can't. Sometime I just think about everything he has done and it still just even the stuff that happened many years ago. I feel like u have taken a lot since I was young from him. Accepting his kids when I was only 14/5 years old and forgiving him for his infidelity.
He will never know the fillings that I feel. He says he understands but I feel like he will never fully get it unless it happens to him. He says that I am not the only party that has been hurt because me being with the other two men hurt his feelings as well. He said when he hurt that we had kissed he saw that as a big deal knowing how much I value intimate touch(kissing). That is why he decided to sleep with the girl he was with because he was hurt. He said to him sex with any other girl is meaningless, it's just sex but he loves me.
I understand that to some people sex is just sex but to me it is sacred. And should not be devalued. I dunno I just want to forgive him and move on with our lives. I love him soooo much but I just can't seem to let the past be the past. Help me please x
ANSWER: Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim (In the Name of Allah/God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful)
Assalmalaikum (Peace be upon you)
Dear Sister Sandra,
I am sorry to learn about your situation. A person who sleeps with other women, produced llegetimate children and spoils and spreads shame on society can never be your preferred life partner.
What you need is a pious husband who should be truthfull, be a virgin like you and should be capable of controlling his anger and not sleep with women out of agony and does not beleive in producing illegetimate babies.
Indeed kissing and holding hands is not adultery, but having intercourse is counted as an adultery for sure.
Therefore what he has done is far far a greater sin that what you did, and if he loves you he will help you search for a perfect lifepartner who is more devoted and truthfull than this fellow.
Our suggestion is that you do not consider him to be your suitor, on the contrary take your parents help and get yourself the best of the best.
[Quran 17:32] Nor come near to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).
[Quran 24:2] The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
[Quran 24:3] Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.
[Quran 24:26] Women impure for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.
what to do after adultery
[Quran 3:133] And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for Al-Muttaqun (Pious or God fearing)
[Quran 3:134] Those who spend in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger,and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the gooddoers).
[Quran 3:135] And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse or major sins) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; - and none can forgive sins but Allah and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.
[Quran 3:136] For such, the reward is Forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Paradise), wherein they shall abide forever. How excellent is this reward for the doers (who do righteous deeds according to Allah's Orders).
Its my duty to help those in need. You are free to ask as many questions as you like.
If you are not convinced or feel the answer did not address all your questions, pls write back immediately without any hesitation. Please do forgive me if there is an unexpected delay in replying.
Pls spare some time and see these small video clips.
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( Note: I am not a mufti, if you are in doubt or want 100% accuracy please verify the above hadith with an authentic personality. However I have not altered any hadith and presented it as and how it was found. May Allah forgive our mistakes from time to time...ameen.)
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QUESTION: Hi Ahmer,
Thank you for the reply but I am looking for Christian advice as I am a Christ believer. Would you be able to refer me to someone that would be of assistance. Thank you and God bless you x
ANSWER: I too am a staunch beleiver in Jesus Christ and the one who sent him. The message of God is the same. Whomsoever Prophet/messenger from Prophet Adam till Muhammed - they explained the same message.
[Quran 2:284] To Allah/God belongs all that is in the heavens and on earth. Whether you show what is in your minds or conceal it, Allah/God Calls you to account for it. He forgives whom He pleases, and punishes whom He pleases, for Allah/God has power over all things.
[Quran 2:285] The Apostle believesin what has been revealed to him from his Lord, as do the men of faith. Each one (of them) believes in Allah/God, His angels, His books, and His apostles. "We make no distinction (they say) between one and another of His apostles." And they say: "We hear, and we obey: (We seek) your forgiveness, our Lord, and to you is the end of all journeys."
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QUESTION: It's important for me to have advice from a Christian perspective because our beliefs are not the same. Unless you believe that Jesus is the ONE and only Son of God, who came down to die for Our sins and he ROSE up again on the 3rd day. And that only through Jesus are we saved from hell, then I cannot accept that advice.
I'm looking for verses in the BIBLE that will help me with this process of forgiveness. I want to be able to look at those verses in the bible and pray about it. With all due respect, I cannot do that with the Quaran because that is not my belief.
I thank you for taking the time out to write to me, but I would really appreciate it if you could help me get someone who is a Christian believer to assist me
Thank you and God bless you,
The bible says what the quran says.
Adulterers are to be punished. Their sin will be in them.
If you read the bible carefully its self explanatory that Jesus never claimed to be begotten son of God nor he asked to be worshipped.
Once people understand this fact they discover islam. You must be aware thats the truth is spreading and thousands are becoming Muslims.
However I cannot force you yo change your beleif. However I just pray to God that he guides us all to the truth which will save us from hell fire