Christianity --Youth Issues/Despration

Advertisement


Question
Hello Mr. Fuglein,
I am 23 years old also I am  a preacher's kid and everyone expect so much from me. I give and give of myself, and often forget my problems and try to help fix other peoples problems. So all my emotions are locked up inside and I have problems expressing them! It is hard for me to trust people God is  helping me to trust again.  There is something that is broken in me and sometimes my emotions is one way then a few minutes later it is totally different.  You see many people think I had a normal childhood which I did to a certain existent. I did what the normal little girl did, and some other things that I never told anyone, because of fear! I waited Until I was in high school to tell my mom that a teenager from down the street  from my house would about the horrible things tjat happened to me at the age of 8-11!  He would get me to lie and say I want to watch cartoons, while sitting on the floor watching tv he would come in and turn my world upside down (molest me). If I refused he would threaten me. I had to eat out of the trash can one day because I threw something away he told me to eat! There was no where safe for me to hide except for on the inside of the house. The school bus wasn't safe either. When all this was going on my parents took me to see a psychologist because my grades where bad and I behaved badly! The psychologist could not see through the lies I told him when I was little which is funny to me! A lot of the memories are locked away, and I'm learning on my on how to deal with them which isn't going as well as I wished.  I would be  happy if I could find the words to describe how I feel! My views on different things are all jumbled up! I really want to get married someday, but I'm afraid that I may get hurt again! Since I've gotten a little older I've talked to a Christian counselor, even my pastor nothing has helped me. I don't know where else to turn so I thought I would try my luck! I'm in college now and these past couple of weeks my emotions have been crazy. It is hard for me to get motivated to do my homework, or anything that requires thinking! Please help!!! Shay

Answer
Shay-

I'm so sorry that happened to you.  The first thing you need to learn and hold on to is that it is NOT your fault.  You did nothing to deserve that treatment.

I wish there was something I could say or do to help you, but deep-seated memories and abuse such as yours really need professional help.  Keep trying new counselors until you can find one that you like, that you trust, and that will you through this.  I am NOT a trained professional.  Although I have some counseling training, it takes years to become a trained counselor.  Sometimes it may take several counselors before you find the right one.  (I had to go through 4 before I found the right one for my depression.)  I don't mean to be discouraging, but just want you to know that just because you've been to a couple, that's not the end.  Keep on trying.

I would concentrate on your schooling, and when you feel a little less confused, try dating.  If you date, stand your ground.  If you get pressured for sex, just tell the guy you're waiting until you're married, and stick to that.  If he's the right guy, he'll wait with you.

I wish Blessings on you.  Please write to me in a month and let me know how you're doing.

Carl

Christianity --Youth Issues

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Carl F.

Expertise

I can answer questions from teens & young adults concerning their faith walk and on social issues which affect their lives. I can answer questions on sex, homosexuality, or drugs, and anything else that might be troubling you. After 30 years in youth ministry, nothing shocks me, and I promise to give straight answers to any and all questions. I can also answer questions from youth workers on problems they`re having with programming or with their groups.

Experience

I have been involved in youth and young adult ministries as a volunteer for over 35 years. I am currently a volunteer youth minister in a suburban UM church - I have a small group of 7th and 8th graders.

Organizations
United Methodist Church, Chrysalis, Walk to Emmaus, Cursillo

Education/Credentials
Several training seminars, 9 years at National Youth Workers Convention, 1 year at Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry

Awards and Honors
Certified lay speaker for UM Church

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.