Christianity --Youth Issues/Missionary Dating


I've done a couple research on missionary dating. First off, I want to start off saying my boyfriend & I have been dating for about 5 1/2 months and still going. I am the Christian but he is not. We are both 18 and in high school. He used to go to church when he was about 14 but stopped because of his family. His family religion now is Shaman (Hmong). But he isn't really into that religion. One day I asked if he chose a religion, what would he choose? He said Christian & I was got a little happy. I told him about the movie "The Passion of Christ," & that he should watch it. He says the only things he has encountered with Christianity is church & praying.

I have to admit that I have lied to my parents about not being in a relationship & we're just friends. My dad caught me one day at the park about to drive my boyfriend somewhere but it was only home. We've been great friends since junior year so I know he would not have the intentions of anything sexual related. My dad talked to me about dating. He disapproves of missionary dating, but also if the guy was Christian. I feel like he expects alot but it's hard. All I told my dad is we're friends, but he'd like to meet the guy due to catching me in a lie.

My boyfriend is a good kid honestly. He's stopped doing bad things as partying and drinking ever since we started talking, without me asking him. He has done a lot of things to get rid of his old ways. He's even willing to go to church again.

So after the talk with my dad, he told me he wants to meet the guy (my boyfriend) and start bringing him to church. I had no problem with it.

My point is... I want to know if there's a possibility or chance for my boyfriend to convert to Christianity, by constantly going to church with me and also building a relationship with my dad. In hopes of my dad giving my boyfriend & I a chance at being together. Not just for us but also for God. My plan was to break up with him in understanding of being friends again. Then have him build his relationship with God & my dad. And also understanding what a Christian relationship is meant for, living for God. But also Enabling us to be together as well.


The answer to your question is simple - yes, there's ALWAYS a possibility that he can become Christian. At the age of 18, you do not really need your parent's permission to date, unless of course you still live at home.  Unfortuantely, their rules apply as long as you live under their roof, especially if it is for free.  I think your plan is a good one - get him going to church every week, but much more inportantly, you need to get him to go on a retreat or camp or mission trip with him to expose him to service in Christ's name, not just the church and praying.  I especially endorse the mission trip - many Christian college groups do this, and with our share of tornadoes and hurricanes and floods we've been having, those trips are just multiplying.  Introduce him to what Christianity is supposed to be - living a life like Christ and serving others, not just church and worship.

5 1/2 months is not near enough time to see into your BF's real heart.  You may have known him for a long time, but a romantic relationship takes a LOT of work.  My wife and I knew each other 10 months before we were engaged, and got married 5 months later.  But, and it's a BIG but, we were 21 years old, not 18, and I had only a summer session til I graduated, and she graduated in the fall.  We've been married for 43 years so far.  A LOT can happen in the 3-4 years of college.  So although you may be looking for something more serious, take your time. I don't know of many high school relationships that last all the way through college.

Annie - lying to your dad is wrong, at any level.  You need to come clean, all the way clean with him.  He may be more gracious than you expect.  Asking your bf to come to church with you AND your dad, and letting your dad know that he IS going to church, is not missionary dating.  He's already said he'd pick a Christian church.  I don't think you need to break up with him, but you should concentrate on teaching him more about Christianity.  Try talking to your youth pastor if you have one, or even your pastor, and ask them if they would go have coffee with him, with or without you.  I'm sure both would be willing.  Give the pastor his history, and let them know that he has questions.  

As for Shamanism, it is a mystical religion that is probably more like Wiccan or Native American religions than anything else.  I'm thinking that perhaps the Hmong influence he has is probably more cultural than religious.

I wear a bracelet that says, God is Big Enough.  He is.  Be patient, take your bf to church, introduce him to mission work, let him get to know your dad.  And be patient, and, of course, pray hard.


Please take the time to rate my answer and provide some feedback.  Sorry for the delay in answering, I'm usually a lot quicker, but, stuff happens.  

Christianity --Youth Issues

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Carl F.


I can answer questions from teens & young adults concerning their faith walk and on social issues which affect their lives. I can answer questions on sex, homosexuality, or drugs, and anything else that might be troubling you. After 30 years in youth ministry, nothing shocks me, and I promise to give straight answers to any and all questions. I can also answer questions from youth workers on problems they`re having with programming or with their groups.


I have been involved in youth and young adult ministries as a volunteer for over 35 years. I am currently a volunteer youth minister in a suburban UM church - I have a small group of 7th and 8th graders.

United Methodist Church, Chrysalis, Walk to Emmaus, Cursillo

Several training seminars, 9 years at National Youth Workers Convention, 1 year at Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry

Awards and Honors
Certified lay speaker for UM Church

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