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Christianity --Youth Issues/Struggling to be patient in The Lord with his timing. Confused!


Good afternoon,

This is something that I've been struggling with for the past few months, as I have been very confused lately. First off I guess I'll start off letting you know that my dad is a Pastor, so I know a Lot of stuff, and gave my life to Christ when I was 6 years of age.  I am now 17.5 yrs old,  but from about 5th grade to 10th grade I staggered off the wrong path and got involved with liking the wrong guys and getting into a few situations with guys that I wish I hadn't.  Fortunately I managed to stay pure even throughout those rough patches.  But all of the guys that i thought werw
Perfect for me, ended up being jerks, weirdos, or just plain perverts (hate to say it, but it's true) The next couple of years I developed bad anxiety partly due to having a friend who I thought was going "to help me find the right guy by the end of the school year".. Pfft yeah right.  I finally realized what a mess my life was in, that girl who I thought was my friend moved schools, I gained some real friends and decided to just start all Over and put everything in the hands of God.  And I'm really doing well.  I cannot believe I didn't stick with him the whole way through.  

Now that I've got that part out of the way, here goes to my real situation I'm in.  The church that my dad has been pastoring at for the past 8 years has a family that we've been very good friends with.  They have a son and a daughter, the guy, I will just call him M has decided to go into ministry and become a pastor.  He starts seminary in the fall.  He's 5yrs older than me, but ever since last summer he has been acting strangely around me, and we talk more than me and his sister now, which is weird because me and her have always been good friends.  So anyway, I have always wanted to be like my mom when I got older and that is to be a pastors Wife, and so when last summer when he officially decided to look into going to seminary this upcoming fall, combined with the way he acts around me now it's starting to be like, whoa, is it possible that we could ever possibly be together? Cuz that thought had never ever ever crossed my mind before!  

Problem is I don't want to like him in such a way like I have other guys in my life before, because NONE of them have ever turned out good.  I pray almost every day about him and say Lord, I don't know if he is the one you have picked out for me, and please give me patience to know in your time.  
But I just can't seem to stay patient and I'm just kind of afraid because I've been torn apart so many times before by guys.  Pastor Don, Is there any advice in the bible that talks about relationships and waiting on The Lord? Because I read my bible all the time and just nothing seems to stick out in this time of confusion.  

ANY advice on this subject would help me A TON
Thank you so so so much in advance!

Michelle M.

Hi Michelle,

Thank you for this great question.  I am very sorry that I took so long in answering your question.  It sounds like you have made some mistakes, but you really want to do things right.  I have a few general rules that will help you identify and correct some mistakes you may have made in the past and give you a new path to follow now.

1.  Develop friendship, not romance.  The Bible says if you want a friend, be friendly...  learn what he likes, what his interests are, what his passions are and meet him on that level.  Be focused on his common ground, but do not look to define your relationship as romantic yet.

Proverbs 18:24 (AV)
24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

2.  one reason you want to develop friendship, deep friendship, before romance... is that if you do it right, once romance starts you should get married... it sounds like you are a bit too young and he is just starting school.  One way to develop a good friendship is to do stuff in church together... go soul winning together... work in VBS together.... start an outreach together... work beside him and see what happens.

3.  Under no circumstances do you touch at all.... kiss hug... anything... that will muddy the waters and confuse what you are trying to do.  Once things get physical the temptation to ruin purity becomes blinding.  Do not forget that if he is called by God to preach or pastor, the Devil wants to take his purity and yours as well.  The only two ways to really battle the sin of sex before marriage is to not touch or to get married.

1 Corinthians 7:12 (AV)
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

I hope that this gives you a place to start.

In Christ
Pastor Don

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Pastor Don Carpenter


I believe that every word of the Bible is God- Breathed. This blessed book is the foundation of truth for faith and practice. If you ask this volunteer a question you will receive an answer from the Bible that is based upon a literal, normal interpretation, taking into account the grammar and culture of the time.


I have been in the ministry 20+ years. During that time I served as a youth pastor, christian counselor, assistant pastor, church planter, and a senior pastor.

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