Christianity --Youth Issues/flatting with the opposite sex


Hi my name is Megan, Iím 18 and have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years this may. We have a problem/me. So we both come from Christian home and have a strong faith together and apart. This year my boyfriend is at university and is going flatting next year. Im in 6th form. We have talked about flatting a lot last year and years before that. We both agreed flatting and living opposite sex is appropriate. My boyfriend, Jared, was the one that had the strong opinion on not living with the opposite sex. I wasnít completely against it but knew it wasnít right.
At the start of this year his mum (a very old fashioned Christian) mentioned the idea of him flatting with other girls, I laughed as I thought it was a joke but she wasnít joking, I donít know if its good (she thinks we have a strong relationship) or bad because she is super strict on everything else. Anyway, just 2 days ago he got asked by 3 girls if he wanted to go flatting with them and his other guy mate (5 of them). He told them he would ask me my thoughts first. To be completely honest Iím in shock as he was very against this and now he wants to know what I think. The girls are Christian, very attractive and single, which makes me jealous. I do trust him with all my heart and know he would never do anything to hurt me. It will be cheaper for him but he has to share a room. He is from a family of 5 boys and has found it different fitting into my family with 4 girls (including myself).

So my question is: am I over reacting? I want the best for him and donít want to hold him back. But is this a Christian thing to do? I want to support him but I feel in my heart this isnít right. I have tried to look up scripture but have really found anything specific to living with the opposite sex when your just friends. I know he will not look at them lustfully or immorally. I really donít want to be jealous either as it is a sin. Please help me.
Yours sincerely Megan

Hi Megan

Thank you for this great question.  I assume by flatting you mean sharing an apartment.  There are two issues to consider:

1.  Does this create temptation to commit fornication (sex outside of marriage)?

Romans 13:14 (AV)
14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

1 Peter 2:11 (AV)
11 Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

2.  Does this make it look to others like you are committing fornication, therefore ruining your reputation.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 (AV)
22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

Now in my opinion if one man and one woman shared an apartment it would seem much more likely that both the above principles would be violated.  However if you have several bedrooms and the men and women are seperate... there is less of a problem, although it is not ideal.  Although it is not the best, it is not as if your boyfriend is shacking up with one other female...  I think it best not to be co ed.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don

Christianity --Youth Issues

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Pastor Don Carpenter


I believe that every word of the Bible is God- Breathed. This blessed book is the foundation of truth for faith and practice. If you ask this volunteer a question you will receive an answer from the Bible that is based upon a literal, normal interpretation, taking into account the grammar and culture of the time.


I have been in the ministry 20+ years. During that time I served as a youth pastor, christian counselor, assistant pastor, church planter, and a senior pastor.

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