Christianity --Youth Issues/Rubber Acceptance

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QUESTION: Hey Carl. It's Justin again. You know, the guy you helped with the rubber fetish ages ago. XP
I wanted to say thanks. A whole bunch. I'm figuring out how to embrace my fetish without letting it control me or delve into pornography. And I think I'm doing a good job of it. I've met a number of Christian friends who also had various kinks after we last talked, so I feel much more accepted now. I've also been seriously looking into purchasing a latex suit, but that's AFTER college and after I get a steady job. Those are much more important things.
The only thing I'm expressing concern about is how 'extreme' my rubber interests are getting. Not necessary pornographic, but the whole scenario is 'intense', but not 'violent' or 'pornographic'. I'm trying ridiculously hard to avoid the violence and porn, and I truly want to stay out of it. I wanted to hear your opinion on that, since I'm actually at peace with my fetishes now. I just want to hear what you think.

ANSWER: Hey Justin
It's good to hear from you.  I'm glad you've accepted the fetish, and I'm also glad you've stayed away from the porn and violence.  It's good that you found some Christian friends who accept you as you are.

As to my opinion, you know that I accepted you from the start, and still do.  There can be problems with fetishes of any kind, and perhaps you're now finding out since you said it is "intense".  I have to ask you to further describe the "intense" feeling, because I'm not sure exactly what you mean.  Also, if you're spending all your time either by doing, or just thinking, then we still need to talk about it.

God pretty much has two desires for you.  To know Him, and to worship Him.  You can't do that if you never think about Him, and are thinking about and participating in fetishes.  I'm pretty sure that God wants our worship ALL the time.  There are lots of ways to do that, and everyone is called to do something.  You can do or be whatever you want, but scripture says that we are to work at it as if we were working for God. (I can't think of the verse now, and I'm really swamped for time, but I'll try to look it up later.  Trust me, it's there, and it's pretty specific.)  Worshipping all the time is kind of like praying unceasingly - e.g., working on the computer while at the same time praying unceasingly for a friend.  It CAN be done, but it takes some working at it.  I think I do it a lot, unconsciously.

Just keep praying about it, talk to your friends about it, etc.  I'm sure God understands fetishes, because we all have them.  For personal examples, I love flannel - if my wife wants to get me into bed, she can do it as quickly with flannel pajamas as wearing see through lingerie.  My wife, too.  She doesn't like the taste of beer, but she likes to kiss me when I've been drinking beer.  Not extreme, but a little like fetishes, don't you think?

God loves you unconditionally.  If you love Him, you'll try to love Him unconditionally, too, and all the time.

Hope this helps.  You know you can followup all you want.

Blessings,
Carl


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I think I understand. I still have a hard time avoiding pornographic stuff due to some (though, not all) of my online buddies being into it. I haven't condemned them of it, but the ones into the porn are, you guessed it, non-religious. It's a little awkward. I don't want to just cut connections, but I want to avoid their pornographic stuff. Knowing they were into porn came well after I had gotten to know them.
By 'intense', I guess I mean that how intense the situations are, not necessarily of graphic content. That's what I meant by 'intense'. For example, use a big action scene from your average action movie. It's sort of the same scenario, except with black rubber, clad absolutely everywhere from head to toe. That's the best comparison I can made, being 'intense' for me. And I still try to find the balance between simply kinky and pornographic. Still, I'm realizing that I'm spending a little bit too much time thinking about it (not 24/7, but frequently), so I'm trying to cut back on that to keep in at nighttime. It could arguably just due to being bored, since I haven't done much at all this summer. But I start college in two weeks, and being busy/occupied helps a lot in cutting down time thinking about fetishes. The whole fetish thing still doesn't really 'control' my life, but just seems to be part of it now.
Interestingly, I've gotten a bit closer to God over the summer. I've been reading more Scripture and praying a bit more often, so that's always good.
And yeah, it's always great talking to you.

Answer
Justin-

I think you're beginning to get it.  It's all in your mind, and you get to choose whether to follow God, or follow your fetishes.  It's a tough choice sometimes, but God continues to love you unconditionally.  I've probably already quoted this to you, but read Jeremiah 29:11-14.  If you seek God with all your heart, you will find Him.

College will challenge you with time management, just concentrate on your studies.  You'll never know how important it's going to be.

Carl

Christianity --Youth Issues

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Carl F.

Expertise

I can answer questions from teens & young adults concerning their faith walk and on social issues which affect their lives. I can answer questions on sex, homosexuality, or drugs, and anything else that might be troubling you. After 30 years in youth ministry, nothing shocks me, and I promise to give straight answers to any and all questions. I can also answer questions from youth workers on problems they`re having with programming or with their groups.

Experience

I have been involved in youth and young adult ministries as a volunteer for over 35 years. I am currently a volunteer youth minister in a suburban UM church - I have a small group of 7th and 8th graders.

Organizations
United Methodist Church, Chrysalis, Walk to Emmaus, Cursillo

Education/Credentials
Several training seminars, 9 years at National Youth Workers Convention, 1 year at Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry

Awards and Honors
Certified lay speaker for UM Church

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