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Christianity --Youth Issues/Parents are concerned about my fetishes.


QUESTION: Hey Carl. It's me again. Justin, the guy you helped with his latex fetish. As you know, I've accepted my own latex and bondage fetishes. I have vowed to never keep them above God, and I will uphold that promise.
But my parents are deeply concerned that this will negatively affect me. They are getting very serious about this. I've taken it in moderation ever since we talked, and I'm still at peace with God about it. I still want to freely devote my life to him.
But they have deep concerns that this could be harmful. I've never allowed it to grow into an obsession, but the one thing I'm frightened of is them taking it all away from me. And I'm worried that if they take away all access to the fetish from me, that the problem would actually grow significantly WORSE. Up to this point, I've been comfortable and accepting of my fetishes. But they want to know that the counselor I'm talking to (you) truly is Christian. I can trust that you are, but my parents need proof. I know that rubber/latex and bondage has its' bad sides, but taking it ALL away from me, which I worry that they might do, could actually harm me in the long run, not benefit me like they take. I'm at peace with God about it, but not my own parents.
Having it taken away from me makes me very frightened, as I have accepted and moderated it since we've talked.
Please respond as soon as possible,

ANSWER: Justin

I cannot prove to your parents that I'm TRULY a Christian, but I am.  I've answered not quite as many questions as all the other experts combined, and I've been doing it for almost 20 years.  I'm a youth  leader in my church, and considered a leader in my church.  In addition to the 1,162 questions I've answered on All Experts, I've had well in excess of 500 students in youth ministry.

I'm glad you talked to your parents, as they are the ones closest to you.  Just because I think it's okay, doesn't mean that they have to agree.  I don't really want to talk to them, but you can tell them that I asked them to look inwardly as to what some of their fetishes are, and how they have affected them.  As I've told you over and over, when it becomes an obsession or addiction, then you have a problem.  When you become an adult, you'll just go back to it anyway.  Fetishes, are fetishes, they're not a sin.  Another thing you can tell them is that I have a flannel fetish - I love the feel of flannel.  I sometimes wear flannel shirts.  Doesn't everyone?

I would prefer that you keep my name on All-experts anonymous.

Keep talking to your parents.  They may someday realize that you're not really crazy.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I've never told them your name. I respect your privacy like that.

The issue has settled down a lot now, and I'm nowhere near as panicked as I was when I first sent that. It's not an obsession or an addiction, but it is a part of my life that isn't really going away anytime soon. I think they worry about what the future might have in store for me if I have this fetish.

We've already reached the conclusion that they aren't taking away anything from me, just that they want me to be careful. But what parent doesn't worry about their children? To their credit, they are doing research on the whole thing, and I've even provided them with a couple of notes regarding the psychology of fetishes that I've researched. The situation is a lot more calmer now and far more relaxed as well, which the notes probably helped on. You have to understand that I was also a bit panicky at the time.

But yeah. Just wanted to update you with things being better since that e-mail was sent. Right now, I'm just really looking forward to Christmas without many worries. :)


Thanks for keeping me anonymous.  I've tried to get my name removed, but so far, All Experts hasn't changed it.  I started doing All Experts before Facebook made people easier to find, and since my name is rare, if you have it, you'll find me or one of my 20 or so relatives.

Keep your fetish to yourself.  If you should start a serious relationship that you think may lead to sex (bad until you're married, but you know that), or marriage, when it starts to get that serious, you need to somehow reveal your fetish.  It's also a great way to find out if the girl is really into you, too.  If she is, as long as the fetish doesn't involve another woman, she should be willing to at least accept it, and who knows, maybe embrace it.

I'm glad your parents are concerned and researching.  They sound like great parents.  I never would have been able to discuss that with my parents (who grew up in the depression).

Christianity --Youth Issues

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Carl F.


I can answer questions from teens & young adults concerning their faith walk and on social issues which affect their lives. I can answer questions on sex, homosexuality, or drugs, and anything else that might be troubling you. After 30 years in youth ministry, nothing shocks me, and I promise to give straight answers to any and all questions. I can also answer questions from youth workers on problems they`re having with programming or with their groups.


I have been involved in youth and young adult ministries as a volunteer for over 35 years. I am currently a volunteer youth minister in a suburban UM church - I have a small group of 7th and 8th graders.

United Methodist Church, Chrysalis, Walk to Emmaus, Cursillo

Several training seminars, 9 years at National Youth Workers Convention, 1 year at Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry

Awards and Honors
Certified lay speaker for UM Church

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