Expert: Brenda Martin - 3/30/2005

Question
Hi! I just became a Christian recently, and I am very excited to learn how to live and act like a Christian to please God and set a good example.

However, I am very confused about how God says about husband and wife relationships. Does God want females to be very obedient and listen to everything the husband says? Is it okay for females to keep her maiden name after she is married? Does God encourage children, or is it okay for the couple to not have children? Is is even okay for females to remain single?

Also, is it okay for women to be leaders in the society? Can a woman own business? Do you think a woman being a doctor or lawyer is okay with God?

Sorry for the many questions!
Daphne


Answer
Hi Daphne, you asked--"DOES GOD WANT FEMALES TO BE VERY OBEDIENT AND LISTEN TO EVERYTHING THE HUSBAND SAYS? "

Everything in my answer is based in the bible, so here is the answer to that question from the bible--

“Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation.” (Ephesians 5:28, 29) An abusive, domineering, or unreasonable man not only jeopardizes the tranquillity of his home but undermines his relationship with God. (1 Peter 3:7)

What about wives? They likewise should “be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) Thinking in terms of pleasing God can help a wife overlook her husband's shortcomings and be subject to him without resentment. At times, a wife may feel obliged to speak her mind. Proverbs 31:26 says of the capable wife: “Her mouth she has opened in wisdom, and the law of loving-kindness is upon her tongue.” By treating her husband in a kind, respectful way, she maintains peace with God, and she promotes the happiness of the whole family.—Proverbs 14:1.

God created Eve as “a complement,” not as a competitor. Marriage was not to be like a ship with two competing captains. The husband was to exercise loving headship, and the wife was to manifest love, respect, and willing submission.

However, a good wife is more than just submissive. She tries to be a real helper, being supportive of her husband in the decisions he makes. Of course, that is easier for her when she agrees with his decisions. But even when she does not, her active support can help his decision to have a more successful outcome.

"IS IT OKAY FOR FEMALES TO KEEP HER MAIDEN NAME AFTER SHE IS MARRIED?"

I can't find anything in scripture that discusses this, but I would say that it would be right and proper to take the man's name; so that it is understood by all that you are married and not just living together.  Also God said when we get married we become ONE flesh, so having two different names doesn't seem right. Then there would be the confusion for any children who came along, what do you call them? No I think to be recognised as a family unit, one name is appropriate.

"DOES GOD ENCOURAGE CHILDREN, OR IS IT OKAY FOR THE COUPLE TO NOT HAVE CHILDREN?"

The Scriptures do not say that Christian couples are obliged to have children or, if they do, how many. Each couple should privately and responsibly determine whether to try to regulate the size of their family. If they agree to practice birth control, their choice of contraceptives is also a personal matter. However, they ought to consider—in accord with their understanding of the Bible and their conscience—whether using a certain method would show respect for the sanctity of life.

I know of couples who have chosen NOT to have kids in this wicked world, because they believe what the bible says, that God is going to destroy this wicked world and start a "new earth" where righteousness will dwell, so they are waiting till then to have children.

"IS IT OKAY FOR FEMALES TO REMAIN SINGLE?"

Yes, in fact its encouraged, if you can—

“It means constant attendance upon the Lord without distraction.”—1 CORINTHIANS 7:35.

Singleness Recommended

Paul writes-- “Now I say to the unmarried persons and the widows, it is well for them that they remain even as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:8) Paul was unmarried, perhaps a widower.—1 Corinthians 9:5.

However unlike Catholic theologians, he nowhere recommended a celibate ascetic life in a monastery or convent, as if single persons were particularly holy and could contribute to their own salvation by their life-style and prayers
.
Paul recommended singleness “in view of the necessity here with us.” (1 Corinthians 7:26) He might have been referring to the difficult times Christians were going through, which could be compounded by marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:28) His counsel to unmarried Christians was: “It is well for them that they remain even as I am.” To widowers, he stated: “Are you loosed from a wife? Stop seeking a wife.” Of a Christian widow, he wrote: “She is happier if she remains as she is, according to my opinion. I certainly think I also have God's spirit.”—1 Corinthians 7:8, 27, 40.

No Compulsion to Remain Single

His whole presentation of celibacy and marriage shows balance and restraint. He does not make it a matter of faithfulness or unfaithfulness. It is, rather, a question of free choice, with the balance tipping in favor of singleness for those who are able to remain chaste in that state.

Immediately after stating “it is well for a man not to touch a woman,” Paul added: “Yet, because of prevalence of fornication, let each man have his own wife and each woman have her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1, 2) After advising unmarried persons and widows to “remain even as I am,” he was quick to add: “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9) Again, his counsel to widowers was: “Stop seeking a wife. But even if you did marry, you would commit no sin.” (1 Corinthians 7:27, 28) This balanced counsel reflects freedom of choice.

Paul showed that both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. “I wish all men were as I myself am. Nevertheless, each one has his own gift from God, one in this way, another in that way.” (1 Corinthians 7:7) He doubtless had in mind what Jesus said. After establishing that marriage came from God, Jesus showed that willing singleness for the sake of serving Kingdom interests is a particular gift: “Not all men make room for the saying, but only those who have the gift. For there are eunuchs that were born such from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs that were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs that have made themselves eunuchs on account of the kingdom of the heavens. Let him that can make room for it make room for it.”—Matthew 19:4-6, 11, 12.

"IS IT OKAY FOR WOMEN TO BE LEADERS IN THE SOCIETY?"

Depends what they would be leaders in; the bible says stay away from politics, so that would be a no, no.

CAN A WOMAN OWN BUSINESS?

Oh yes, nothing wrong with that, depending on what type of business of course.

DO YOU THINK A WOMAN BEING A DOCTOR OR LAWYER IS OKAY WITH GOD?

Undoubtedly, however whatever career we choose, we have to take God's standards into account, so if we were working all the hours and neglecting our family responsibilities that wouldn't be correct. Also if our job entailed breaking any of God's laws, that would be out.

For instance; If I were to become a doctor I would be faced with the blood issue perhaps, so I would have to take my stand against giving someone blood, based on my bible trained conscience, and if I were to be a Lawyer, I would have to make sure I didn't lie, as many do in that profession to get a client off.

I hope this information helps and feel free to ask any more questions.

All the best
Brenda