Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 2/24/2004

Question
Hi,I have been saved for almost 8 months now.My passion for God was burning fervertly when I first found Him,or rather He found me.I used to be such an anti-Christ.I'm in a Spirit-filled church and the people there are full of passion,talents and love for God.
But I myself am losing this fervency for God.I feel that my walk with God is not moving at all.I feel myself not able to connect with God at all.I don't know how to relight this fire in me.Part of the reason is that my best friend,who accepted Christ at the same time as me was growing in the Lord a lot faster than me.She seems to be able to get revelations,God's countenance and strength.But I can't seem to be spiritually enlightened in the way she does.I don't know what have I gone wrong?
I know it's wrong to think like this but I can't help myself.I repented before God and ask for His forgiveness but this jealousy and envy of mine seems to be buried and not removed.I keep thinking maybe this's the reason I can't connect with God.Also I ask myself if God has any favourites.The answer seems to be so because Jesus had 3 favourite disciples isn't it?
I feel so useless and sinful because I don't want to think like that but this question keeps bothering me.
What can I do?What hurts me most is that I'm socially inadequate.I feel that I can't socialise with people at all.I can't build relationships with people.I feel that my communications skills are so lousy and I want to do something about it but I don't know how.Somewhere I know I'm insecure and have a low self-esteem but I can't correct it.And I'm serving in a ministry and I seem to bring a lot of trouble to the sisters and brothers in Christ.What should I do?I believe I'm ultimate failure because I don't have the ability at all to serve God.In the Bible,some characters may have flaws in their personalities but they HAVE abilities.I don't.Please help me.I don't even feel like going to church.I feel like backsliding instead of being a burden to people and not moving in the Kingdom of God.I began to doubt my salvation already.Help me.


Answer
Hi Angeline,

Thank you for this honest and heart- felt question.  Let me start with your final paragraph and work up.  You seem to lament the fact that you do not have any natural abilities.... the fact that you feel that you do not makes you qualified!!  God cannot use prideful people.  Look ant what the Bible says:

1 Corinthians 1:22-30
22 For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom: 23 But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; 24 But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God. 25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men. 26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: 27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; 28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: 29 That no flesh should glory in his presence. 30 But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Now as far as the holy fire that seems to be lacking, I encourage you to search your heart and see if there is any unconfessed sin in your life.  David confessed his sin of infidelity with Bathsheba and begged God to restory the joy of his salvation.  The joy is taken when sin exists,

Psalm 51:1-19

1 To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.
1  Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. 5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.  6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. 9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. 12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. 13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.  15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. 16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.  17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. 18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Envy is a wicked sin and can destroy you from the inside, be careful, and confess it.

James 3:13-18
13 Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. 14 But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. 15 This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.  16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.  17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope I have given you some things to think about.  God bless you!

In Christ,
Pastor Don