Expert: Brenda Martin - 11/7/2006

Question
If you could help:

    I've had some crazy things happen, and so I'll warn you, about 1/2 of this is testimony.  
    When I got on the internet tonight, I had full interest in answering some email and going about my way, and right now I'm writing this because for some reason I had this urge to look at some innapropriate stuff.
    okay, let me rewind here for a minute. About 2 months ago, I joined a christian outreach band that plays small venues around my area. Before I joined this band, I had problems with pornography, profanity in general, and a lifestyle that had become very liberal with sin. After I joined this band, I guess I decided it would shame me into a better life, but it didn't. I was still addicted to pornography, all of that filth. Anyhow, I finally decided about 3 weeks ago that I was going to break this habit, and it was the first time in the 1000+ times that I've said this in the last year (month?) that I was serious about it. I stayed clean for a week. It was the first clean week that I had in almost 5 months.
    Anyhow, on the one week mark after my little detox, we played a coffeehouse down the road from our lead vocalist's home, and there was a girl there that I couldn't help but, um... watch. But here's the thing - it wasn't a perverted thing! I looked at her, and it wasn't "oh she's hot" it was "Lord, she's beautiful". I kind of subconsciously prayed that she would stay so I could talk to her, say something, just anything, so when she got up to leave while we were still playing, my heart dropped.
    Then she walked onstage. And handed me her number.

    We're dating now, and we have so much in common. There are differences, but on the whole they make better conversation, and it makes me realize just how blessed I am. I have been more truthfully thankful in the last while than I have in the last lifetime. Also, the temptation that was there was gone. It just completely dissappeared. I was (am still) more interested in making her happy and getting to know her than I am in fulfilling my own selfish desires. And yet, I haven't felt like I DID anything- I can't thank anyone but Jesus for these things that have happened lately.

So what I'm writing about is two sided. I'm writing to keep myself occupied- a pop up advertising an innappropriate site showed up, and I was tempted more than I would like to admit. And I'm also writing to ask for advice - she has one quirk about her that I would like to influence, and that's her relationship with Christ. I tried to explain the facts of salvation to her, but she subscribes to the thought patterns of "if you do bad, you go to hell, if you do good you go to heaven", when we know in reality it's "you accept Jesus as your payment for sin, or you spend eternity away from him." I don't want to shove this notion in her face, because I don't want to offend or push her away. I quite honestly could see myself being with this girl for the rest of my life, but I want to see her in heaven, too.

I just need advice, because I really care for this girl. I want her to know what and who Jesus is, because he has been with me from the prime of my worship life to the depths of my addictions, and he obviously loves me, because he has arranged events to bring me back to him time and again.

thanks for your time, and I hope this can be helped.

Skyler

Answer
"ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY"

I enclose a bible based article dealing with this subject--

Breaking Free of the Pornography Habit

What if you are presently struggling with an addiction to pornography? Can anything be done to break free? The Bible provides hope! Before coming to know Christ, some of the early Christians had been fornicators, adulterers, and greedy persons. “But you have been washed clean,” noted Paul. How was that possible? He answered: “You have been sanctified . . . with the spirit of our God.”—1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

Never underestimate the power of God’s holy spirit. “God is faithful,” the Bible says, “and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” Indeed, he will provide the way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Fervent prayer—persistently setting your problem before God—will produce results. His Word encourages: “Throw your burden upon God himself, and he himself will sustain you.”—Psalm 55:22.
Of course, you have to act in harmony with your prayers.

You need to make a deliberate and heartfelt decision to reject pornography. A trusted friend or family member can be an invaluable aid, providing needed support and encouragement to stick to your resolve. Remembering that such a course of action is sure to please God can help you stay committed to your course. (Proverbs 27:11) In addition, knowing that your viewing pornography offends God can also serve as an added impetus to giving it up. (Genesis 6:5, 6) It will not be an easy struggle, but it is one that can be won. The pornography habit can be broken!

"I WANT HER TO KNOW WHAT AND WHO JESUS IS"

That’s commendable that you want to help her understand about Jesus, but I’m sure you would agree that WE must first know; “what and who” Jesus is, before we can help anyone else.

The phrases you mentioned such as; “Heaven and Hell” “saved through believing” are not Bible teachings, they are church teachings, so if you would like to learn “what and who Jesus” truly is, for your own sake and so you can then help your girlfriend, I will be happy to assist.

Let me wet your appetite by saying; 1.  We are not saved by just believing in Jesus, more is required, and 2. Heaven for all good people is not what the bible teaches.

All the best
Brenda