Expert: Carl Fuglein - 9/22/2007

Question
Everyone, including God keeps saying that lust is wrong, but isn't lust a natural thing? I guess what I'm saying is if I made sure I never thought lustful thoughts, (which seems impossible to control to me)then why would I even want to have sex with my wife. I thought it was a good thing to lust after your significant other. It doesn't seem like sex would be any fun without it. Not that I would know or anything ;p

Answer
Ashton-

What a great question!  I’ll do my best to give you some things to think about.

First of all, you have to understand that lust is a part of sex, sex is (should be) part of love, and love (and sex) is a gift from God.  Most scholars will agree that there is even a book in the Bible which celebrates romantic love:  Song of Solomon (sometimes called Song of Songs.  Song of Songs is rated PG-13, but if you read between the lines, you can generate a whole lot of sex out of it.

In an article entitled Solo Sex:  A Male Perspective, Jonathon Herron says:
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Here’s the question, “When I see a beautiful woman and appreciate her beauty, is that lust?”
Jonathon’s answer is, “Nope.  It's natural for a guy to appreciate the beauty of a woman.  God wired you that way!  But when your imagination begins undressing her in your mind, that's indulging in sin (lust).”
Lust is wanting what God has said is off-limits.
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The word lust or desire appears dozens of times in both the Old and New Testaments.  Most often, it is referring to coveting or wanting something that you should not have.

The Greek word is epithumia, ep-ee-thoo-mee'-ah; :  a longing (espec. for what is forbidden):--concupiscence, desire, lust (after).

Some quotes from the Bible using this Greek word:

(1 John 2:16 NLT)  For the world offers only the lust for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we see, and pride in our possessions. These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world.

(Mat 5:28 KJV)  But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

It’s interesting to note that even Jesus uses this word when he talked about having the last supper with his disciples:

(Luke 22:15 NLT)  Jesus said, "I have looked forward to this hour with deep longing, anxious to eat this Passover meal with you before my suffering begins.

(The original Greek word is used in Luke 22:15  “deep longing” and as lust in Matthew 5:28 and 1 John 2:16)

The point is, you should desire your wife, but not that which is not yours.  Paul says in his letters to the Corinthians and Ephesians:

(1 Cor 7:3 NLT)  The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband.

(1 Cor 7:5 NLT)  So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control.

(Eph 5:28 NLT)  In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife.


God says from the beginning that a woman will desire her husband:

(Gen 3:16 NLT)  Then he said to the woman, "You will bear children with intense pain and suffering. And though your desire will be for your husband, he will be your master."

Lust is a complex word with complex meanings.  It is not wrong for you to look upon a woman’s beauty, but when you start undressing her in your mind, and she’s not your wife, then your mind and your body start focusing on something other than what God wanted.  Lust is particularly difficult for teenage boys, not so much with the girls, but it happens with them, too, just in different ways.  Boys will get turned on by visual cues like a girl dressing provocatively, while girls will get turned on by a guy smiling at her or telling her that “she’s sweet”.  If you saw a porno movie that had a plot, the guys would say the oral sex turned them on the most while girls would say the walk on the beach hand in hand turned them on the most.

Is it difficult to separate lust from love?  For guys, yup.  But God wants you to desire your future spouse, and that’s part of the reason why your body reacts the way that it does .

I like what Jonathon says in the same article:  
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“Lust for anyone but your husband or wife is wrong.  Trust me, I am all for you wanting your spouse!  Men, if you are craving a look at a naked lady, go through the hard work of courtship, marrying a woman, asking her to get naked with you, and then look at her!”
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Here's a link to the article:  

http://www.ymexchange.com/Youth-Ministry-Articles/Solo-Sex-A-Male-Perspective.ht...

(You may not be able to get to that link, I'm not sure if it's for members only or not.)

As for your last comment, sex indeed is fun with or without the lust.  The lust is what gets you in trouble when it's with someone that's NOT your wife.

I hope this helps.  Please let me know and take the time to rate my answer, and also feel free to ask additional questions.

Blessings,
carl